Beauty from Pain

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive
But I feel like I died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

Pain ....

Pain is an inevitable part of human life. We all experience it, it's unavoidable: we feel grief when we lose someone we love; we're disappointed when we are unable to reach a goal we had set; we feel hurt by people we care about, and so on. According to many respectable people, religions etc. suffering is avoidable.

When we stop fighting reality and accept the pain in our lives, we stop suffering. The pain doesn't necessarily go away, but we feel lighter, like a weight has been lifted off us; and the situation loses its power over us - we spend less time thinking about it, and when we do think about it, our emotions aren't as intense.

So suffering can be defined as the refusal to accept the pain in our lives.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Now that may be stating it a little pushier than most people would be comfortable with, but it is not a uniquely Buddhist or Zen idea.

In Buddhism, transcending suffering may well result in our feeling the pain that is inevitable even MORE acutely. Hence, the centrality in Buddhism of compassion, not indifference. But, if it means feeling pain more acutely, it also means feeling JOY more acutely. For, the anesthesia we have the habit of doing to ourselves to shut off our pain results also in shutting off much—if not all—of the playfulness and joyousness of life.

So, how do you do it? How do you not opt for suffering? If pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional, how do you exercise your option NOT to suffer?  You are not required to believe ANYTHING. You have only to DO it.

For the first time ever, I realized that this pain, my suffering, a long-time connection I had to myself, my distorted and harsh way of dealing with my pain, and the pain I was adding to my pain.  I got a flash of this aspect of my suffering that I had never seen because suffering is so consuming at times. In this moment of awareness I understood my relationship to all of the suffering around me, where it lived in me and the voice it assumed inside of me.  I understood how it led to my own action and inaction.  I was aware of all of my open channels and pain receptivity and it was illuminating.  I was so thankful for this gift of awareness and that my consciousness was open to receive this.  I had heard, read and discussed this idea many times, but it never came to me in this form before.  I connected to a part of my pain that was causing me to suffer, and yet I held it at bay.  In those moments of awareness, I felt its shape and texture and timelessness.  It was as if this pain-upon-pain was half a loaf of bread that I had just cut, and it was now just sitting here thinking about the cutting... I spent years upon years trying to find out "what it was".   I was tormented by this energy that was standing in my way.

Later and since, in mindfulness and reflection, I began to think of my illusion, my attachment to this painful suffering and how ready I am to deepen my practice and learn about the road to cessation and cessation itself.  I don’t care so much about what went into this half a loaf of bread, who wrote the recipe or where the ingredients came from.  I am now mostly interested in how to adapt to the acceptance that it currently lives in me, that it exists and that I deeply intend to invite it into the present moment in a very new way.  It is a part of our tremendous sensitive ability and is not meant to cause stagnation or isolation.  It’s something I will continue to hear, but no longer believe.  It just is and that’s fine by me.

When you passed the patch of thorns, you got a scratch or two, and then it was over.  You incurred a passing pain, and that was it.  Perhaps the scratch was deep enough to create a small bleeding line on your arm or leg, but even so, the injury was not severe enough to keep your notice for very long.
You might avoid the thorn patch on your next way through this area, or maybe you'll forget about it until you're scratched again.  The pain of the first incident wasn't enough to be memorable, and you didn't change your route as a result.  No big deal.
Perhaps you feel disappointed in yourself for not achieving a particular goal that was important to you.  This pain might be excruciating, or it might be a constant dull ache.  Would you do anything to make it better, knowing that it might not go away without intervention of some sort?
This is, of course, a literal pain situation.

How much pain do you need to feel before you are ready to do things differently at work or in your personal life?
You are the only person who knows the amount of pain that is tolerable for you.  But if you are in pain, are you assuming that toleration is your only choice?  What if this pain were something that you could shrink, or could even cause to disappear?  What if you could avoid re-injuring yourself by choosing another path, another way of thinking or another way of behaving?

Even if the source of the pain is completely outside of your control or influence, you can decide how much proximity you want to maintain to the source.  If you live right beside a giant thorn patch, have to walk through it on your way to work every day, you might not be able to chop them down or convince the property owner to do so, but if they bother you enough you can choose to move.  Go away from it.  That much you can do.
You might not have a clear idea right now of what your life or work situation might look like if the pain-inducing element were no longer in the picture.  That's OK… Just know that You don't have to live with pain.

TO MY DADDY .....MY EVERYTHING

My father is a man of emotions, the strongest of which I love.

He love me with a breathtaking intensity. There is no doubt in my mind I am his greatest vulnerability.

I think I am a vulnerability he either didn’t care to conceal or simply didn’t have the means to conceal. His love for me is fierce, overt and abiding.

My father is not a very expressive person. Yet his love for me is so incongruous with his nature – it forced him to wear his heart on his sleeve.

My father could never abide to witness the pain of any of his children. He was incapable of stoically absorbing any hurt we endured. If any of us got hurt – it always affected him deeply.

Considering what a tough and fearful man he was perceived to be – we found this trait endearing and slightly amusing.

My father would get so agitated whenever I got hurt, regardless of how minor the ailment appeared to be.

He hated not being able to protect me from getting hurt. I knew (and took for granted) that he would always try to place himself between us and harm.

Daddy loving you is like breathing natural and easy, you made every day in my life extraordinary with your jokes and laughter ... I can´t imagine my life

without you because you´ve become a part of my very existence ... I can not express how thankful I am that you are mine, you believed in me , you filled my life with purpose and I cherish every moment with you ... I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER ....

I've never in my 40 years experienced anything so difficult. Dad, how I miss your warmth, the regular contact even though geographically we've been miles apart. Sometimes I still find myself fighting the tears. If it's any consolation, although I did grieve, it didn't take long for me to experience some peace - which increased w/ each passing day - for the Comforter came to guide and carry me through.

Dad you are funny, in a goofy sort of way, and what most might describe as an unpredictable personality if they didn't know you well. At times you attempted to shock people, which is something I also inherited from you (although now that I'm not so wild, not as characteristic of me anymore!). I know you wanted to be cool but I never really thought of you that way, no disrespect intended.

Thank you for taking me to the movies every saturday, taking me to the car races, horse races and playing sports, etc.

Thank you for telling me you are proud of me.

Thank you for allowing me to be who I AM.