There isn’t a day goes by, when I don’t think about you, or wish you were here.

Dear Dad,

Thank you for treating me with the respect all women deserve and teaching me that all women deserve respect. Thank you for raising me in a way where the only “daddy issue” I have is holding all men to a high standard. For coming home and not plopping down on the couch with a beer because you were under some misconception that you were the only one who had a long day.  

Thank you for teaching me the value of hard work and that jobs are not gendered. Thank you for expecting me to take out the recycling, empty the dishwasher, and lift my own suitcase. For never treating me like a delicate flower just because I am a girl.

Thank you for believing in me when I did not believe in myself. For expecting more from me than I thought possible but you knew achievable. Thank you for never being disappointed in me when my best fell short of the goal and for defining success by effort not benchmarks. Thank you for allowing me to follow my dreams even when they are not something you understand.

Thank you for running with me. For slowing your pace and valuing togetherness over speed. For checking the weather where I am and calling to tell me I shouldn’t run in that heat. Thank you for showing up when you could. To track meets and school conferences, but also in daily life. There is a difference between being physically present and being an active participant. Thank you for knowing the difference. Thank you for being perceptive enough to know when I needed you to stand silently as I mentally prepared for an approach, or embrace me after a bad attempt. You might not have always gotten it right, but the fact that you cared enough to try is all that counts.

Thank you for learning to not be afraid of my tears. For calling me on my bullshit and giving me perspective. Thank you for never making me feel small.

Thank you for letting me be myself. For not pressuring me to follow in your footsteps. For pep talks. For expecting a lot from me, but never too much. Thank you for not spoiling me. For saying no to me. For yelling at me when I text while crossing the street. For teaching me the satisfaction of earning things myself through dedication and grit. Thank you for teaching me humility. For leading by example.

Thank you for teaching me what a quality man is. For setting me up to value myself and respect myself and never settle. To make good decisions. For teaching me to protect myself and making me feel safe. Thank you for teaching me that I am an equal and for giving me freedom even when I’m sure it was terrifying for you. Thank you for never letting me fear the world and for making me feel that the world is mine for the taking if I put in the work.

Most of all, thank you for recognizing that the best thing you can do for a little girl is to instill in her a fiery sense of possibility by telling her that she can do anything!!!!

Tomorrow is my birthday Dad
But I can only feel sad

Realization has finally hit.
And now with my pain I sit.

The nightmare is real.
My wounds they did not heal.

A day of celebration ahead
for once a day I dread.

Now that I come to understand
That you won't hold my hand

Tell me how to handle this
All I can do is reminisce.

I wish to hear your voice.
For us to rejoice.

Just a hug, another dance
Perhaps another chance.

But in the darkness I see
This year, you won't be with me...

As I grow older, no matter whose love gives me happiness – I will always be my daddy’s little princess. I miss you dad.

Thank YOU for making me stronger. Thanks for showing me how to not let myself be treated...

To the people who I trusted, to the people who used me, to the people who ruined me - thank you.

All of my life I have assumed that bad things happen to me because I deserve it.

I've always struggled to believe that people do things for reasons other than to hurt me. I've had my fair share of pain in my life, and I always believed it was because I wasn't a good enough person. I thought maybe every person I trusted ended up walking out of my life because I wasn't enough for them.

Here I am, doing better than ever.

There are always two kinds of people in your life: the ones that support you and the ones that doubt you. To the people that have ever doubted me, put me down, or didn't believe in me, enjoy, because this article is for you. But this article isn't to put you down. Instead, I want to thank you.

All in all, thank you for letting me prove you wrong.

Thank you to the people that know so little about my life, but still find it their place to tell me how bad of a person I am and how I deserve everything bad that comes my way.

Thank you to the ex-friends that constantly saw it as a competition, doing everything in your power to make sure I wasn't successful.

Thank you to the ex-girlfriends that didn't find it necessary to encourage me, but instead, belittled me because you didn't think I could do it.

Thank you for making it your favorite hobby to bring me down. Maybe you were too jealous of what all I was capable of accomplishing, and I am sorry. I'm sure you had people to doubt you too, but instead of using all of the negative comments to do good, you took their input in all the wrong ways. Because of this, you ended up doubting yourself and this behavior has made yourself a doubter.

Do you know what your doubts and put downs caused? Pain at first, yes. But you gave me the motivation to be a better person, to be a successful person. Without all of the people that didn't believe in me, I definitely wouldn't be where I am now. If it wasn't for you, I probably wouldn't have pushed myself nearly as hard to be as successful as I can.

Whether you doubted my friend choice, college choice, or career choice, or just doubted me in general, thank you.

Everything turned out to be okay because through all of your doubts, God believes in me 24/7.

Angel Haze - Battle Cry ft. Sia

Money cannot buy

All the love that's here tonight

All the love that's here tonight

Ooh ooh

There's just you and I

So lift your hands toward the sky

Lift your hands toward the sky

Ooh ooh

It seems like yesterday that I was nothin'

Then all of a sudden I'm a volcanic eruption

Then all of a sudden it's like spontaneous combustion

And I'm all up in your face yellin', "Bitch, you can't tell me nothin'"

'Cause I came from the bottom, now everybody's watchin'

I said it was my time, now I'm who everybody's glockin'

And I'm just out here sprintin', I'm runnin' right through my vision

I'm trying to outrun my past, but still trying to defeat my limits

'Cause you only get one moment in this life to be great

And you give it your all despite what it takes

And you never let 'em kill you, you take everything they give you

And throw it right fuckin' at 'em and tell 'em it doesn't build you

And no it don't ever break you, and no it can't overtake you

Life's like a bed of roses, you take the thorns and you make do

Sometimes you have to hurt for the 'cause to be reached

But one day you'll be stronger then all that you beat

And you can say

Money cannot buy

All the love that's here tonight

All the love that's here tonight

Ooh ooh

There's just you and I

So lift your hands toward the sky

Lift your hands toward the sky

Ooh ooh

I woke up one Sunday morning, stopped believing in Jesus

Stopped believing in churches, I stopped believing in preachers

I realized I was a teacher, not just one of the heathens

I'm born to destroy the fallacies, stop creating believers

Start creating the leaders, tell 'em who they should follow

Nobody but themselves, especially if they hollow

Especially when they empty and death reserves for fulfillment

You the only person alive who holds the key to your healin'

So you take it and you run with it

And keep going even when your suns hidden

Because the time we spend in darkness when the rain comes

Is where we often find the light soon as the pain's done

There ain't material things in the world

That can change the fact that you feel lonely

Despite the fact that it gets hard, you take it all and you still go

Take the sun and you still grow, lose the light and you still glow

I been there, I'm still here and I know how you feel, so

Money cannot buy

All the love that's here tonight

All the love that's here tonight

Ooh ooh

There's just you and I

So lift your hands toward the sky

Lift your hands toward the sky

Ooh ooh

We don't wanna fight

So sing with me our battle cry

Sing with me our battle cry

Ooh ooh

Money cannot buy

All the love that's here tonight

All the love that's here tonight

Ooh ooh

It's hard to explain my way of living to people who never lived it

A minute in my position filled with my opposition

That anybody not different fighting to stay the same

I got lives in my hands and I'm fighting to make 'em change

Couldn't accept responsibility, find somebody to blame

The emotions that I'm harboring 'bout to drive me insane

Tried to say fuck everything, but I ain't have the heart to

Rarely had the heart to do a lot of things I ought to

So now I spit it for people who say their cords missing

Inspire life into anybody that's forfeiting

'Cause it's easy to keep pretending that there's nothing wrong

But it's harder to keep their head up and be fucking strong

So, now they telling me "go, Haze, they can't stop you

Heavyweight flow, if they can't lift you then they can't drop you

The pinnacle, if they can't reach you then they can't top you

Man, they can't do anything that you're about to"

Money cannot buy

All the love that's here tonight

All the love that's here tonight

Ooh ooh

There's just you and I

So lift your hands toward the sky

Lift your hands toward the sky

Ooh ooh

We don't wanna fight

So sing with me our battle cry

Sing with me our battle cry

Ooh ooh

Money cannot buy

All the love that's here tonight

All the love that's here tonight

TO CM.... The things two people do to each other they remember. If they stay together, it's not because they forget; it's because they forgive.

I would never be able to forgive myself for hurting the most important person in my life. It was the biggest mistake that I have made and I forever would be sorry about it. I know that sorry would not be even enough to ease the pain and all the suffering I have caused you. Even if you won't believe me, this wasn't the way I was expecting it to turn out. I'm sorry and I'm deeply remorseful.

Hurting the person I love is one of the biggest, if not the most dreadful thing that I could have ever done. You loved me well and deep and this is what I gave in return. You've been there for my all my life. You were the person who was able to understand me the most. When all others have left me, you stayed and understood me through all my troubles. You were my best friend and my lover. 

I love you still and I hate myself for letting you go through all these pain. You deserve to be loved and cherished for eternity. I'm sorry ... I don't know what else to say or to do to make everything all right. You used to be the sweet person that cares for me. Because of what I did, it changed you entirely. I'm sorry. I'd be wishing every single night to have everything back to the way it used to be. I still want to share a lifetime with you,

I'm willing to do whatever it takes so that you could find it in your heart to forgive me. I'll love you even more and would never ever hurt you again. I'd rather die than let you go through the same misery again.

An apology is never any good unless it is accompanied by change. I pray that these words become actions, and that you’ll maybe get the chance to see the truth in them.

I am where I am because of the decisions I have made, and you happened to be one of those decisions—the decision to love you and the decision to hurt you. I am not always proud of the person I have been or the decisions I have made, but I am on my way to being something better. Thank you for being part of that path and maybe it was a mistake, but it was a mistake that we will both be better for.

Day by day, I'll be waiting for you. I'll be waiting for you to hold my hand and smile at me as if nothing bad has happened. I'll be waiting for your laughter. I'll be waiting even for eternity. Until then, I will confine my heart in misery. I'm sorry. I'm deeply sorry.

The things two people do to each other they remember. If they stay together, it's not because they forget; it's because they forgive.

A little too late...

Whether you are reading this before you meet me, or will stumble upon it afterward, I want you to know a few things. The reason why I am writing this today is because I can’t stop thinking about you, I can’t stop myself from imagining how happy we will be. Something is missing without you even though we haven’t met yet. Let this letter be a promise that I will do my best to be the man I want to be for you.

I may not yet know the essence of the difficulties that comes with a lifetime commitment, but I have enough relationship experience to know what I want, and how I picture my life with the person I will commit to for life – you. Those around me act as a continual source of education and inspiration to know how I want our relationship to be. So here and today, I vow to try my best to do the things that follow in this letter throughout our life together.

I promise to do my best to make you beam daily — count on many surprises. Your smile will be my priority. I get weak knees when anybody smiles; imagine the efforts I will make to be the source of yours… I just pooped myself… twice… haaaa. You can be sure that over the years I will stay my goofy self as I always have been.

I promise I will always look at you with the same adoration as I will the moment I realize you are something special.

I promise to try to instigate the same sparkle in your eyes I see when you get surprised, inspired, motivated; or when you are about to lean in to kiss me.
I promise to hold your hand when we’re 80 years old with the same liveliness that I will when I cross that line to hold yours for the first time. I vow to never let the excitement of dating me die down – surprising you with location, the reason, or the activity itself. I promise to do my best to always interest you – because I will keep reinventing myself, gaining new hobbies, new knowledge, and new interests to keep you – and myself — entertained. I promise to have new stories to share with you, and maybe I’ll retell the best ones again if you insist🙂; our friendship will continue to grow over the years.

I promise to do my best to remain physically attractive for you, and I will do my best to be healthy in order to keep up with our children and grandchildren – somebody has got to teach them Muay Thai kickboxing. I’ll train you too, I want you to know how to fight and defend yourself, just don’t use it against me.

I promise to help you to be healthy, physically and mentally. I will cook for us. I will clean for us. Expect the meanest breakfasts – literally the best: traditional Armenian tomato and pepper omelet, followed by fruit salad with… well, I can’t give all the secrets out.

I promise to strive to be a role model for our children. I want both you and them to see me as a source of motivation. I want to inspire them in the same way that my father inspires me. I promise to do my best to love your family as you love them and to be by their side as much as I am by yours.

I promise to always listen to you – when you simply just want to be heard, when you want someone to vent to about something that frustrated you during your day, or when you want advice. I will listen to you especially when you don’t feel comfortable sharing your thoughts with anybody else, and to the things you try to tell me when you’re not even speaking: I promise to always listen.

During our life together, I promise to make sure that you feel as though you are the center of the household – because I know you will be, and I will always try to show my appreciation for you because of that. Being the man of the house is nothing without the woman.

I promise to never let my guard down in taking care of us, because I know you won’t be the type of person to be satisfied with the bare minimum.

I promise to always maintain the integrity of you as an individual, the individual that will not have been a part of me before I met you, but will be then become part of a unit: a hybrid, the best of two entities, where we take on the world together.

I promise to do everything that I can for you without taking away from your independence physically, intellectually, or emotionally.

Be Brave

When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you...

There will always be times in our lives when we need to reinvent ourselves. They could come when we experience big changes, such as leaving our jobs, moving on from relationships, transferring to a new home or losing a loved one. If you yourself are going through a major shift in your life, you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things, or risk failing to reach your full potential.

Resilience. Problems and obstacles are guaranteed to happen. Some of them will be difficult and may knock you off course; the important thing, however, is that you learn from these difficulties, never lose focus and always get back up.

Support. Humans are social bienes. The key is to find the right balance between independence and dependence.

Find out what your strengths are. This step provides valuable information on how you specifically deal with certain situations.

Plan.This step calls for a thorough assessment of your current emotional, psychological and financial status so that you can develop plans that are realistic and practical.

Be brave. Fears and self-doubts may arise when we encounter difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes they may also come when we’re taking risks. You have to manage these negative emotions well and not allow them to discourage you.

Accept failure, learn and resume your journey. Failing is normal especially when we’re trying out something new. When you fail, simply recognize it, learn from it and move on.

We should never regret too much in our lives. However, there comes a time when we realise there are things that, if we had known them earlier, could have benefited us a lot in our younger years. Maybe we only come to these realisations through personal growth and experience, but sometimes we can go through life not being fully aware of situations until we hit a crisis point that leads us to question whether we truly did or cherished things to the best of our ability.

We spend so much time rehashing the past or planning for the future that we forget to experience the present moment. The present moment is what is happening to you right now. Happiness can only exist in the present moment ‒ the past has gone and the future hasn’t come yet so the present moment is all we have.

Society, or our family’s expectations tend to make us think there are things we should do. Stop limiting yourself because of other people’s expectations. It’s your life and no one else’s.

We all have fears ― some are justified and some are not ― but to grow and really get as much out of life as you can, you need to face your fears more often. Remember that many of your fears are only a product of your mind; they don’t actually exist. When you start to realise this, doing things you find intimidating and scary will actually become easier.

We can often make huge assumptions about what others are thinking whether they are judging you for something or thinking badly about an opinion you had. The bottom line is the world doesn’t revolve around you. Everyone around you is dealing with their own problems, worries, and insecurities and the chances are, they aren’t paying as much attention to you as you may think. So stop caring and, even worse, assuming what others are thinking. You wouldn’t want anyone to assume what you’re thinking so why do it to others?

One of the most important life lessons is appreciation. The older we get, the more we appreciate the things in our life including people, experiences, lessons we’ve learnt, and even our possessions. Establishing this habit early on the better, because gratitude and appreciation is the true key to happiness. The sooner you can be enlightened to this and integrate this into your everyday life, the more you’ll be able to live in the present moment and be thankful for what makes your life a good one―no matter how small the thing is you’re appreciating. This will transcend into the rest of your life and establish the positive mindset needed to live a happy and healthy life; your older self will thank you for it!

TO C. THANK YOU

Thank you for being there for me when I call you and need someone to just listen. It doesn’t matter where we are in this world or in our lives, I know you will always pick up.

Thank you for not judging me for my sometimes poor decision-making skills.

Thank you for late-night conversations.

Thank you for remembering every inside joke we have ever created.

Thank you for the long drives and plane rides you have taken just to spend time with me.

Thank you for being brutally honest with me when I am being ridiculous.

Thank you for respecting my values and opinions, even if you disagree.

Thank you for bringing me into your family.

Thank you for pouring large glasses of wine.

Thank you for being brave enough to let me in and be vulnerable to me.

Thank you for fighting all of life’s battles by my side.

Thank you for forgiving me for every time I haven’t been the best person in the entire world.

Thank you for all that you’ve taught me.

Thank you for always making me feel like the crazy stories of my day are important.

Thank you for the moments of silence we share together, where words don’t need to be said, but we know we are in it together.

Thank you for reminding me to stay true to myself.

Thank you for continuing to be true to yourself as well, because I think you rock.

Thank you for listening to my long stories as though you haven’t already heard them a million times.

Thank you for always making time for me, no matter how far away you are.

Thank you for being strong when I am weak.

Thank you for texting me and keeping up with me more thoroughly than my significant others have.

Thank you for being the most significant of my others.

Thank you for your sharing your secrets with me.

Thank you for sharing your life with me.

LOVE YOU BAIRES

Baires, you bring the best out of me... NAMASTE

TO C

There will always be a reason why you meet new people. Either you need to change your life or you are the one that will change theirs.

To CP 12/05/2016

AT THE END SHE WAS THE ONE.....

To You... My C!

You make me feel like singing--and I don't sing. You make me feel like dancing--even with my two left feet. When you're near me, my life is in focus. Everything I do is better because you believe in me. Getting to know you is such an exciting adventure. Your creative problem-solving continues to pleasantly surprise me. 

Despite our individual natures, we seem to be cut from similar cloth. Most importantly, we share important values and beliefs. We have so much in common that we just feel right together. I love the fact that you follow a strong moral compass that always points you true North. Your strong personal standards are apparent in all that you do. These characteristics are important to me and serve as a strong foundation for our relationship.

I've fallen head-over-heels for you, yet I've never felt firmer on my feet. There is no one else with whom I'd rather be. Our relationship offers me more than I could have ever imagined. It may sound corny, but it's true--you're the woman of my dreams.

I Love You C.

To C....

I have so much gratitude for having you in my life ... to infinity and beyond!!! 

You always ask me why I love you and here are a few reasons why I fall in love with you every day ...

Your loyalty to me and everyone or everything that matters to you.  Your compassion for everyone around your life. Your integrity. Your strength. Your devotion. How you are always 100% honest no matter what. Your kindness. The way you always try to help others. How you always stand up for what you believe in. Your generosity. Your confidence. The way that you always look for and find the positive in everything. Your optimism. The fact that you know exactly where you are going in life and will do whatever it takes to get there. Your courage even in the face of adversity. Your boldness. How you are always understanding me even when I don’t deserve it. How much you and I share in common together about everything. How you always can make me laugh or smile even at times when I don’t want to. The fact that you refuse to ever completely grow up. How you are always concerned about me and my well-being. The way you hold me. How much you’ve taught me about life and myself. Your intelligence. Your awesome hair. Your craziness. Your incredible eyes. Your strong hands. Your love of life. The way you walk. The way you talk. Your vast knowledge about everything. The annoying fact that you are right 90+% of the time. The amazing new experiences that I’ve shared for the first time with you and only you. The way you make me feel about myself. How you always tell me and show me everyday how much you love me. How you don’t mind holding my hand or showing me affection even in public. The way you kiss me and touch me. The fact that you were willing to take a chance on me. The way you always encourage and believe in me. Your faithfulness. Your true sense of honor. The fact that you know how to be a real Woman. The fact that I learn new amazing things about you everyday. The way you look at me that makes me melt inside. The love you’ve always shown me.  How much excitement you bring into my life everyday. How you always bring out the best in me. How you never take life for granted. The way you always inspire me. The fact that you are without a doubt my true soul mate. The way that you know how to not take life too seriously and live for the moment. The fact that you are the first and only person I’ve ever loved and the first person who ever truly loved me. How forgiving you are. How you’re not afraid to be a risk-taker. Your incredible big heart. How we always still say or do the exact same thing at the same time. Your extreme patience with me even when I push it to the limit sometimes. Your wisdom. The fact that I know you are my real true soul mate and we were destined to be together. How awesome you have been to my family. 

How cute and adorable you can be. Your determination and conviction and how once you set your mind on something that nobody can change it. How much you know about me now and that you’ve seen both my good sides and bad and that you still love me anyway.....  to be continued...