Alan Walker - Darkside (feat. Au/Ra and Tomine Harket)

Take me through the night

Fall into the dark side

We don't need the light

We'll live on the dark side

I see it

Let's feel it

While we're still young and fearless

Let go of the light

Fall in to the dark side

Fall in to the dark side

Give into the dark side

Let go of the light

Fall in to the dark side

"COURAGE IS THE GOAL OF COWARDS"

Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, your worst enemy already lives inside you: your ego.

FYI Pleas it's been 5 years since I started to really sad, feel lost, alone and you knew it ....  courage is when you face dead or your friend's dead, or your friend wanting to died...  courage is when you go and feed her with love, courage is when you know your friend is dying because she needs a kidney so badly and you test yourself even if she will say no...  courage is being with your friend in her worst moment, when her dad flew away.... coward is the one who blocked on FB the very next second after she announced what she did , you know, I know she will say I couldn't tolerate it, coward is running away from your friend when she is really sick, troubles or just asking for love.   Coward is the one who is sitting reading this with fear thinking OMG she will kill her self! so the guilt start to bothers you, so you come into her place and yell at her while you are crying like crazy ... guys, you the ones who defended me  you know what? did u realize that all the drama queens  were from here ... Of course there is more, so now you  are crying  and crying and showing your tears over your face and making sure that everyone see u crying .... i think that the last is the most coward person in the world .... why you didnt call her before????? All of you guys saw the LLAQUE'S SHOW so at the very least come and hug me now, pay attention to me, be kind ... but your ego is so starved that my heart become a meal for your ego.... 

And I told her... I can not take one more disapointment and one more pain... for NOW

And I told her... I can not take one more disapointment  and  one more pain... for NOW

Let's face it: None of us are ever going to get to the place in life where we have no more disappointments. We can't expect to be sheltered from every little thing. Disappointment is a fact of life--one that must be dealt with. 

Fake friends are like shadows: always near you at your brightest moments, but nowhere to be seen at your darkest hour True friends are like stars, you don't always see them but they are always there.

Be very careful of who you share your problem with, remember that not every friend that smile at you is your best friend.

I 'm Done

I'm guilty of giving people more chances than they deserve but when I'm done, I'm done.

The danger is that in this move toward new horizons and far directions, that I may lose what I have now, and not find anything except loneliness. So I just realized that there's a big difference between deciding to leave and knowing where to go... And, if I cross path with darkness, who will follow me into he dark.... TIME TO RUN GUYS!!!!

PS: Mother, you always complained that I never mad you a card ... here is one for you!!!! And yes, I lost 46 years, yes I don’t have nothing at all, yes you even took my faith away ... it could be worst and I believe that I will be able to fix all my broken parts ... you broke me but I’m still fighting and you can’t tolerate it.

Letting GO...

Goddess Detox™

Cleaning Out the Friend Closet, or "Friend Shui"

The people we surround ourselves with are truly a reflection of who we are, and they also have a really big impact on our health and well-being. If we are constantly surrounded by people who are negative, draining, and make us feel all tense inside, how do you think we feel? Yep, negative, drained, and tense. Not fun feelings, right?

It’s actually quite funny that as I was percolating on writing this article, I attended a training in which the trainer spoke about “friend shui,” you know, like feng shui. I was already planning on writing this article, so the idea of “friend shui” was another perfect analogy for cleaning out the friend closet. 

Think about it, feng shui is all about clearing energy, making sure everything flows properly, or as Wikipedia says: “a system of harmonizing everyone with the surrounding environment.” Cleaning out the closet is about creating space, energy, and getting rid of things that no longer serve our purpose or are no longer in with the times (I mean, who really needs to hold on to that prom dress from the 80s, right?). 

Sure, sometimes when we clear out our wardrobe there are pieces that we just don’t want to let go of. For whatever reason we just want to hold on. The same can happen in friendships—sometimes we know there are friendships that no longer make us feel connected and alive, but for whatever reason, we have a hard time letting go. 

Oh, and let me not forget to mention the guilt that sometimes arises at the thought of letting one of our friends go. We start to think, “But, they were such a good friend,” or “We had such fun times together,” or “Ohmigosh, they know that one HUGE secret about me…” 

The reality is, it is difficult to break off any relationship, especially relationships with friends. However, what’s worse is holding on to a relationship that just isn’t working anymore. 

If you are in a friendship (or any other relationship) that just isn’t working for you anymore, I hereby give you permission to take the steps necessary to take care of your own self and your own well-being. It is important to surround yourself with loving, caring, kind, considerate people who nurture you and feed your soul. If your relationships don’t include those things, it’s most likely time to let them go so that you can make space for the relationships that you really want to enter into your life. 

If you are considering engaging in some “friend shui” or cleaning our your friend closet, here are some things to think about:

How do you feel when you are around your friends? Are there people in your life whose energy just isn’t matching with your energy anymore? Are there people who you have thought about letting go of but just feel sad or guilty about doing so?

What would you like to have from a friendship (or any other relationship) instead? What do you need in order to feel like your soul is being nourished?

Does your friend or friend group provide you what you are looking for in the previous question? 

How do you feel about letting this friendship go? What thoughts or feelings come up for you? If you are holding on, what is it that you are holding on to? What are you holding on for?

What would your life look like if you were to let that friendship go?

Spend some time to really think about these questions before making any decisions. It’s really about assessing what does and does not work for you and what you deserve and are willing to accept. If you get to a point where you are ready to take action, be sure to do it lovingly. 

Regardless of what you decide, know that you are worth it and that you are deserving of being surrounded by people who nurture and feed your soul, not drain it. 

Why you gotta be so mean?

I just wrote this after a small, really small chat with my brother... I just realized it doesn't matter where I am his intent to destroy my life is stronger than anything else... I am shaking and praying please God don't let him to get into my head  .... 5 words are enough to make me feel the worst human being .... Please God take away the guilt... 

We can all agree that the two most powerful emotions in the world are love and hate. Indeed, every other emotion seems to stem from these two. Things like jealousy, longsuffering, greed, compassion, despair, and redemption ride in on one of those two thoroughbreds, love or hate.  Love seems to make the world go ’round, but does that make it more powerful than that dark horse candidate, hate? Or does that just make it more popular?

Hate has fueled most of the major newsworthy world events through the years. Think about it. If you look through the history books, you will find evidence of hate in events like:

1. The Holocaust

2. The Enslavement of Blacks (and others)

3. World Wars

4. Civil Wars

5. Military Conflicts (was Vietnam technically not a war?)

6. Hate Crimes (it’s even in the name!)

7. School Shootings

8. Serial Killing

9. Rape

10. Kidnapping and Torture

And the list goes on. Sadly, I know about these things because they are in the news all the time, right now, not just in the history books. But when was the last time you saw a news article about something positive, something loving, on the main page of the newspaper, or on any page for that matter? Unless it’s a fluff piece, or it’s buried on the last inside page of a section, it is very difficult to find love in the news. That’s because hate sells. Hate is more prevalent. And hate has lasting effects that feed off of each other, leaving utter devastation and an indelible handprint on the world. Hate is unavoidable if you live in this world, and that’s not something you can say with certainty about love.

So, does that mean hate is stronger than love?

“Why you gotta be so mean?” 

That’s a tricky question. Love is decidedly more popular. People do many amazing things for love, even if those things aren’t publicized. But people also go to extraordinary ends to show others how much they’re hated as well. Adults are posting videos to youTube of practical jokes that aren’t funny, of people being hurt and others laughing at them. This is hate, pure and simple. And it’s everywhere. It is undoubtedly strong enough to drive people to suicide , extensive therapy, and mental institutions. It can also pit father against son, mother against daughter, and sibling against sibling, what are supposed to be some of the strongest bonds you can create and sustain with love. Yet hate can and does rip those bonds to shreds over misunderstandings, and over irreconcilable decisions.

And we throw the word around like it’s a bag of Skittles we’re feeding to our dog. “I hate this test.” “I hate Mondays.” By doing this, we dull our senses to the ferocity the word should engender in us. It’s like overuse of the word “bitch,” and how it changes the meaning for us. But we forget that not everyone knows that the word means less for us now. They know that we used the word, and they know how strong the emotion is, even if we don’t even mean that emotion. That’s what can really lead to misunderstandings, things that sometimes never get resolved. Which is so sad, but true. I do my best to avoid the word at all costs, because by giving voice to it, I create the monster that then feeds without me. Amazingly enough, the same has gotten to be true with love as well. Love and hate are not opposites, by the way. The opposite of love is apathy. Hate has no opposite. It just is a black hole with no redemption, no light at the end of that tunnel, no going back.

Yes, hate IS stronger than love, because we make it that way. We show how important it is through our treatment and constant featuring of it. When most of the major historical events in our world involve intense hatred, it speaks volumes.  When was the last time we featured love and it wasn’t Valentine’s Day? So, yes, hate is stronger than love, but only because we allow it to be. We can reverse that trend, but we have to believe it.

Do you believe????

July, 2018

And the thread is getting thinner & thinner.....

July, 01

The things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone, but the things you do for others remain as your legacy.

Soul Rape....

“It is not the the bruises on the body that hurt. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind.”

When You raped me,

You took my happiness

And instilled nothing but fear to me

You took away my smile and gave me sadness

My laughter turned into tears

You made me believe I was nothing and a no one

You made me believe no one was by my side

That I was a loner

You gave me depression

I easily accepted for I thought I really was

A good for nothing soul

You took away all I had

Truth is, as much as you hurt me,

Tore me apart and ripped my being to shreds

I felt no pain, not that I resisted it

But because I possessed it no longer

You had pained me so much when you raped me

That I gave up crying and trying to run for help

When you raped me, you changed me into an empty animal

A fool I would say

I was empty, so empty

I resent you damnit for all you did to me.

I now possess anger that you penetrated into me

For God knows what reasons

Some say it’s greed and yet I still don’t understand it

There are days and nights that I still cry

And can’t even sleep or eat

For I still feel your presence

I can hear you breathing

There are nights I feel like committing suicide

But I never can go through with it

When you raped me

You left nothing but hatred and anger

I’m filled with all the wrong feelings because of you

I hate you

When you raped me,

You gave me the worst feeling; FEAR

A feeling I despise more than I hate you.

I am to bury all those feelings and move on with life

For they are only destroying me

As I bury them all, as well as the animal me

The empty me, a NEW me is formed

A BETTER and IMPROVED me

When you raped me

You opened my eyes

SCARS.......

This Is What It Feels Like To Be Raped

This is going to be difficult for me to write, but I’m sure it’s even more difficult for you to read. I’m nobody important, but I’ve been through things that nobody should ever have to go through. And so many others have gone through the same horrible things. But I want to be the voice for all of us, to describe in detail what we’ve gone through. Maybe you’ve been through it too, or maybe you have no idea what it’s like to be hurt at all. Either way, I’m here to speak my message and tell you what it feels like to be raped.

It isn’t just about rape. It’s about everything that falls under “sexual assault”, all the things that everyone just brushes under the rug. The things that aren’t okay, no matter what the circumstances are. It doesn’t matter that my bra strap was showing through my shirt, or that my initial friendliness towards you was anything more than it was. It doesn’t matter that I was okay with you kissing me, so you felt entitled to forcefully grope me as well. It doesn’t even matter if I’m in a relationship with you, because NO will always have the same definition.

To be raped is to be broken, in more ways than I could ever count. To be raped is to have somebody reach inside to your soul, and force it to slowly die. Have you ever had somebody grab your hand, maybe playfully at first, but then hold on just a little too tightly, and for a moment you realize you’re not strong enough to break free and just have to wait for your hand to be released? It’s a common scenario, something that happens all the time on the preschool playground, starting all the way from playful childhood. Imagine that feeling, that moment where you realize you aren’t strong enough to break free when that person grabs your wrist, and imagine that feeling applied to your whole body. Your arms, legs, voice, everything…become useless. Your body isn’t even your body anymore. It belongs to them. And not only your body, but everything you are is exposed and ripped away from you. And there’s nothing for you to do except wait. At some point, you stop struggling, or maybe you never even could, paralyzed by fear or alcohol. And you feel as though anything in the world could be better than this. Even death. You may even pray that you could choose death instead. Unfortunately, you couldn’t, and every second that passed felt like an hour, excruciating hour by excruciating hour.

When it’s over, when your body is freed, you feel foreign in your own skin. Your body isn’t your body anymore; it’s contaminated, destroyed.

I took ten showers and I still didn’t feel clean. For weeks and months and maybe even years following, you still find it hard to recognize yourself, or think of yourself as the person you were before you were raped. It’s not something that can ever be erased, even as the physical bruises fade. Every person around you becomes a virtual threat and sometimes I still hold my breath when I walk past a group of boys because I know what people are capable of.

Why did this happen to me? Why did this happen to you? I’ve felt angry, confused, terrified, scared, powerless. Why do people do horrible things? I don’t think I’ll ever know the answer, and for a while, I just wanted to die. But I didn’t, because even though every day I lived on felt like I was being dragged through glass, I saw good things around me and I realized that not everything is bad and evil.

I became friends with boys that I’ve grown to trust, that I feel safe around. If you’ve gone through this, you know what I’m talking about. It takes time. Nothing will ever erase what happened to you, and sooner or later you’ll have to acknowledge the event in order to begin healing from it. During therapy, I had to relive one of the worst encounters I’ve had, and it was one of the most painful things I’ve had to go through. After months and months of being numb, I had to rip off the band-aid that I’d placed on my soul and expose it again so I could learn how to stitch myself together to properly heal.

I can’t fix you, your friends can’t fix you, and future relationships can’t even fix you. Alcohol and drugs can’t erase what happened to you, and trust me, I’ve tried. You might never be able to go back to the person you used to be, but it is possible for you to heal and finally learn to recognize yourself. You didn’t deserve what happened to you, and it’s not fair. But I promise you that you’re going to be okay, and that this can make you even stronger. Don’t be afraid to share your story, or reach out to others that have gone through similar experiences. Together we can spread awareness and learn to be live again. 

"Childhood should be carefree, playing in the sun; not living a nightmare in the darkness of the soul"

Isaac Gracie - terrified

well i sleep all day 

and drink all night 

just give me one good reason 

i’ll turn out my light 

now i’m terrified 

now i’m terrified 

and i’ve heard all the people 

calling my name but they’ll never see just 

how i’ve changed 

now i’m terrified 

now i’m terrified 

cos i don’t wanna be your boy, i wanna be your man 

but something’s got me wrong inside 

now i’m looking for the answer i don’t understand

and, darling i am terrified 

i’m terrified that maybe 

i wasn’t cut out for this 

you know i’m terrified that maybe 

i wasn’t cut out for this 

i know it’s hard to explain how, it got this way 

and people only want to know why 

well i wish i had the answer that would make it ok 

the truth is i’m just terrified

cos i don’t wanna be your boy, i wanna be your man 

but something’s got me wrong inside 

now i’m looking for the answer i don’t understand

and darling i am terrified 

i’m terrified that maybe 

i wasn’t cut out for this 

you know i’m terrified that maybe 

i wasn’t cut out for this 

you know, you can come and save me

but you’d have to take a risk 

cause i‘m terrified that maybe 

i wasn’t cut out for this 

i wasn’t cut out for this