Duele....

“Desde donde estoy parada veo dolor sufrimientos y miserias.... Cuanto más observo, menos creo”

Me duele al alma, me duele todo... quiero que el dolor sólo pase pronto.... Dios dame luz y también esperanzas porque así me siento muerta, así vacía está mi alma.... Esta vida me está consumiendo busco espacios en donde esconderme y desiertos en donde poder gritar... Busco espejos en donde no verme y hombros en donde llorar.... Que me escuchen y no me juzguen ... busco a alguien que me haga ver que en esta vida se puede creer.... busco alguien que me haga sentir... Tanta soledad .... tanta ausencia .... dolor que avasalla ... miedo a sentir 

What are you???

It was the best feeling in the world. I felt so good that night that my soul, it seemed to fly around that night as I flew that night... Keller Williams

The world is divided into two camps. People who take charge of their life, and people who think that’s just too hard. 

For most of my life, I was in the second camp. I imagined that I needed to settle for what was put in front of me, and that the interesting and exciting lives were reserved for other people. I was sleepwalking through life, doing this and that, but never really enjoying myself.

I have realistic expectations. I’m taking a shot every day. It might work out, and it might not. If it doesn’t, then I’ll have to take another shot after that.

Too many people never take their shot. They don’t take a shot at happiness, at their dreams, or at life. Maybe they’re afraid of failing, or being told “no.” Maybe they think they don’t deserve the life they want, or that they’re comfortable where they are, or that they need to focus on something else for now. If you’re waiting for the “perfect time” to start making changes in your life, know that you’ll grow old and die before it ever happens. Perfect timing doesn’t exist. Right now is all that we have. If you’re not who you want to be, then I implore you to start living the life you really want to live. Start now.... TODAY

hmm still, I’m taking my shots on my own terms. It feels good.

I like making observations about life and sharing my perspective. I understand how nobody will ever relate to every single thing that I say, but people will still read for their own reasons. And sometimes, I’ll write something that really strikes a chord with someone, who knows exactly what I’m talking about. They’ll contact me, tell me their story, and thank me. Hearing from people that become inspired by my blog makes it all worthwhile. It encourages me to keep writing.

Hmmm ... it’s impossible to deny who I am. I am a writer. I write because I must. To not write is suicide. It’s difficult to express, but really everything that I do gets tucked away in my brain like it’s being “saved for later.” All of my experiences can be used to illustrate an idea, describe a point I’m trying to make, or even inspire a fiction story.

How you spend your time defines who you are. Your interests are your passions, and your life’s passion is the one thing that simply won’t go away.

I am a fucking writer. What are you?

I LIKE YOU

Y vuelves a atrapar mi tristeza para esconderla en tu bolsillo, para alejarla de mi... De nuevo has sembrado el jardín de mis pesadillas con nuevos sueños, con otras esperanzas... Y yo sigo llena de amor por todo aquello que te pertenece, llena de celos por todo lo que te roza y me quita un trocito de ti... Y tú sigues aquí, entregándome la vida en cada suspiro, suplicando por mis besos sin saber que ni siquiera tienes que pedirlos... Porque son tuyos, porque yo ya no soy mía, sino tuya... 

Josh Groban - You Raise Me Up

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary
When troubles come and my heart burdened be
Then I am still and wait here in the silence
Until you come and sit awhile with me

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be
You raise me up to more than I can be

Placebo - Running Up That Hill

It doesn't hurt me.
You wanna feel how it feels?
You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
You wanna hear about the deal I'm making?
You be running up that hill
You and me be running up that hill

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
If I only could, oh...

You don't wanna hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.
Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.
There's a thunder in our hearts, baby.
So much hate for the ones we love?
Tell me, we both matter, don't we?

You, be running up that hill
You and me, be running up that hill
You and me won't be unhappy.

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building,
If I only could, oh...

C'mon, baby, c'mon, c'mon, darling,
Let me steal this moment from you now.
C'mon, angel, c'mon, c'mon, darling,
Let's exchange the experience, oh...'

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
With no problems

No Expectations, No Disappointments

No Expectations, No Disappointments

Expectations are like fairy tales and myths; they are alluring but ultimately leave us disillusioned and disappointed, which are the fore-bearers of suffering.

I've been having doubts and insecurities about my faith since my dad got sick. I feel as if I need something more tangible, something I can see, touch and most at all understand. These questions came when I started to experience my dad´s suffer... the pain he was suffering.  Why does God allow suffering?

I tried to put in words so many times how I feel and I think is a mix of anger, bitterness, pain – pain that i never knew existed and that i feel inside my chest, in my heart, real physical pain, doubt, confusion, denial, forgetfulness, acute awarenss of feelings and emotions… dizzy at times, short of breath at times, scared at times, not sleeping, not eating…

And above all else wondering, why?  how?  I don’t get it!!! ... why?

The rest of my family say things like “He looks like he had put on a little weight” aren’t words most wives yearn to hear, especially from them.
Why are we some of us so hard on ourselves? Maybe we were raised with sticks, not carrots, and feel the only way we’ll learn is by a swift kick in the pants. Although we’ve heard time and again that in dog training and child rearing, that positive reinforcement is more effective than negative, we may automatically switch into “Bad dog!” mode when we mess up. Also I am the kind of person that hmmm .... ok this describes me ... “You can’t expect yourself to always think before you open your mouth, especially when you have so much going on. You’re only human. We all are.”

Our life dreams the Utopia. Our death achieves the Ideal...

Lee Brice - Hard to Love (Official Video)

I am insensitive I have a tendency to pay more attention to the things that
I need.
Sometimes I drink to much, sometimes I test your trust, sometimes I dunno
Why you're staying with me?

I'm hard to love, hard to love, I don't make it easy, I couldn't do it if I
Stood where you stood
I'm hard to love, hard to love, you say that you need me, I don't deserve
It but I love that you love me. goood

I am a short fuse, I am a wrecking ball crashing into your heart like I do
You're like a Sunday morning full of grace and full of Jesus I wish that I
Could be more like you.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/l/lee+brice/hard+to+love_21013567.html ]
I'm hard to love, hard to love, I don't make it easy, I couldn't do it if I
Stood where you stood,
I'm hard to love, hard to love, you say that you need me, I don't deserve
It but I love that you love me. Goood
Love me good

Girl you've given me a million second chances and I don't ever wanna take
You for granted, I'm just a man, I'm just a man

Hard to love, hard to love, oh I don't make it easy and I couldn't do it if
I stood where you stood.
I'm hard to love, hard to love and you say that you need me, I don't
Deserve it but I love that you love me. good. (x2)

You love me good.

To YOU... my Angel...

I have a special friend
One whom I can trust.
She deserves a trophy
And that I feel a must.

You see she is so precious
Her kind are rare and few.
You are an angel
And I think the world of you.

If ever I need to talk
My friend I know your there,
Holding out your arms
And showing that you care

You are special
Friends like you are hard to find
I must be one of the lucky ones to have you in my life.

To PABLO!!!

"largas caminatas... conversaciones nocturnas siempre son buenas para el alma..." Charles Bukowsky


Traerás una vieja herida para que pueda
reconocerte la mía propia
traeré yo tal vez prendida en la mirada.
Nos anunciaremos sin estruendo.
Un azul desvaído en tus ojos
quizá me intuya entre la turbamulta
de una ciudad fabulosa y ardida de verano.

Nos anunciaremos sin estruendo.
Al verte o al verme, por primera vez
trascendiendo lo físico,
sentiremos que la vida y su dolor urdió
un plan perfecto para encontrarnos
al cabo cada cual de su madrugada eterna.
Te abrazaré, seguro, me abrazarás,
pues un abrazo al contacto de los cuerpos sella
lo que no acaban de pactar,
con su torpeza hermosa, las palabras;
y es madriguera ese acabarse a piel
en el otro, y es amistad sincera y es refugio,
y es anidarse ya sin miedo ni rechazo
al hueco en que quiero sabernos de por vida,
si la vida así permite, si tu vida ya es mi vida
entera....