11/27/2014

I feel that I'm  not having the ability to cope anymore with the amount of pain that im feeling. I just can't deal with it anymore. I feel overwhelmed and hopeless. Lost. I am at the end of my rope and my coping resources have just run out.
I really want to end it all. Every day is just another reason to die.
The pain I experiencing is like  if your heart has literally been ripped out of you. Breathing is hard, eating is hard, so the thought of doing anything is darned near impossible.
I just can't take this pain anymore. im so so hurt that all this happened. I can't deal with the regret. I can't deal with the guilt. i can't deal with the shame. I just can't deal with the sadness anymore. this is the worst thing i have ever gone through.

Always missing YOU

Daddy, you took care of me like i was your own child. I always made things difficult for you, but you loved me all the same.

I am truly sorry. the day before you died, you called me, you asked for me but they didn't let me go to see you. It's my number one regret that I wasn't able to tell you 'Thank you' and that I love you. After all this time, I still miss you and I hate myself whenever I think of how they treated you. I will never forgive myself. If I could, I would even trade my life for yours. You left behind a daughter with no father, no family.
I hope you forgive me because I didn't realize how were things in the house. All the things you did for me, i am thankful for that. I love you, I really do.

If I had the chance to say one last thing to you, it would be this: "I will always love you. And for the love of God, please give me signs. Because if you're not, that would make the tragedy of you walking away even more unbearable than it already is."

Daddy, thank you for listening. Being able to be share with you and show you my vulnerability has been so important for my development as a woman.

Thank you for accepting me for who I am. Your unconditional support of my gifts and my quirks has supported me in knowing who I truly am. Loving encouragement from you has been the wind beneath my wings.

Thank you for showing me your softer side. I know you are strong and protect me, but I also love when you show me your tears. When you reveal your emotions I feel so special and close to you.

Thank you for being my teacher. You taught me how to ride a bike, throw a ball, open a checking account, and everything about cars, motorcycles, sports.

Thank you for being honest. I look up to you and respect your integrity. And your strong character has inspired me to value and honor myself.

Thank you for being a loving shoulder to cry on when my heart has gotten broken.

Most of all thank you Dad for being you. I know you that you are my Father but you are also a human being, on your own path and learning your own lessons. Even if you have not done all these things, I know in my heart you have been the perfect Father for me for you have taught me the life lessons I need to learn.

No matter what I will always love you.

And no matter how old I am, I will always be your little girl.

Always missing you.

AUCHHHH

I'm sorry for all the pain that you've encountered. 

I'm sorry that no matter what bandaid I put on you, it will always hurt. 

I'm sorry that my mom always makes you skip and jump for no real reason. 

I'm sorry that you wont ever beat the same again.

I'm sorry I wont ever be able to replace.

I'm sorry I cant erase the past, she wont ever change.

Please, my heart, let's heal these wounds.

IM FALLING TO PEACES

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just praying to a God that I don't believe in

Cause I got time while she got freedom

Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst

She finally met a man that's gonna put her first

While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping

Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven, even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?

I'm falling to pieces, yeah

I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason

But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving

And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?

I'm falling to pieces, yeah

I'm falling to pieces, yeah

I'm falling to pieces

(One still in love while the other one's leaving)

I'm falling to pieces

(Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even)

Oh, you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain

You took your suitcase, I took the blame

Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh

Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in

Cause I got time while she got freedom

Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break

No it don't break

No it don't break even no

BORN TO BE SINGLE

Single is no longer a lack of options – but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day Happily and let your Ever After work itself out...

“Single” is an opportunity to live life on your own terms and not apologize...

TRY WALKING IN MY SHOES

I'm not looking for absolution

Forgiveness for the things I do

But before you come to any conclusions

Try walking in my shoes

As long as you are alive, I'm alive...

Sometimes, pain is all that lets you know you're alive... One of the hardest things about being alive is being with other people...

THIRTY SECONDS TO MARS - Do Or Die

In the middle of the night, when the angels scream,
I don't want to live a lie that I believe.
Time to do or die.

I will never forget the moment, the moment.
I will never forget the moment, the moment.

And the story goes on... on... on...
That's how the story goes.
That's how the story goes.

You and I will never die.
It's a dark embrace.
In the beginning was life, a dawning age.
Time to be alive.

I will never forget the moment, the moment.
I will never forget this night.
We sing, we sing...

On... on... on...
That's how the story goes.

Fate is coming, that I know.
Time is running, got to go.
Faith is coming, that I know.
Let it go.
Here right now
Under the banner of heaven , we dream out loud
Do or die, and the story goes
On... on... on...

And the story goes on... on...
This is the story

Fate is coming, that I know (this is the story)
Time is running, got to go (this is the story)
Fate is coming, that I know (this is the story)
Let it go.
Here right now,
Under the banner of heaven, we dream out loud
Dream out loud!
Fate is coming, that I know (time to do or die)
Time is running out (time to do or die)
Fate is coming, that I know (time to do or die)
Let it go...

LOST WITHOUT YOU DAD

Now I miss you more than ever,
Not know what to do,
When I wake up in the morning,
I go to the mirror,
It doesn’t tell lies,
My look so weird.
I feel the rhythm of life just doesn't seem right.
It was so different when you were here. 
But now I feel only loneliness,
There is nothing more difficult,
Than living without you.

Happy Father's day

The time we had, Dad,

Wasn't nearly enough

To pack in an entire

Lifetime of love.

There are so many questions

That I need answers to,

But now that you're gone

There's no way to ask you.

But there are still photos

To remember you by,

Each time I look at them,

I still want to cry.

They say grief is easier

to bear as time goes by,

But the doesn't stop me

from wondering why?

Why my dear, sweet dad

Was taken so soon,

When he was my guiding star,

My sun and my moon.

There are no answers

To a question like this,

So I'll cherish your memory,

And mourn the years we'll miss.

Happy Birthday Dad!!!

This year I won't get to hug my dad and wish him a great birthday. My dad, the greatest dad who ever lived, is celebrating his birthday in Heaven. I absolutely adore this man. I miss him every single day. I had the dad everyone dreams about.

I hope they have the best birthday celebrations in Heaven. I am sure they do. After all, who deserves a better birthday than our favorite angels? And where better to have the most wonderful birthday ever than in Heaven?

Happy Birthday daddy Iove you!!!

Cat Stevens Father and Son

)

It's not time to make a change,

Just relax, take it easy.

You're still young, that's your fault,

There's so much you have to know.

Find a girl, settle down,

If you want you can marry.

Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.



I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy,

To be calm when you've found something going on.

But take your time, think a lot,

Why, think of everything you've got.

For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.



How can I try to explain, cause when I do it turns away again.

It's always been the same, same old story.

From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.

Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.

I know I have to go.



It's not time to make a change,

Just sit down, take it slowly.

You're still young, that's your fault,

There's so much you have to go through.

Find a girl, settle down,

if you want, you can marry.

Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.



All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,

It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it.

If they were right, I'd agree, but it's them they know not me.

Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.

I know I have to go.

I TRIED...

I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good feeling.

Frida Kahlo

F.K

Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly?

Dad...

Sometimes we hide from life. Sometimes life hides from us... Either way, I'm pretty sure it's a good idea not to hide from the ones who love us in life.

Erin Forquer

Hi there.

It’s been a long time I know.  I have been thinking of you a lot lately.  There is no easy way to say this and I need to be honest.

I miss you. I need you.

Just wanted you to know how much I miss what it was like...

I MISS YOU DAD ....

LOVE YOU

ALWAYS

Nana

I miss you daddy!!!

I miss you loads daddy, I know you are looking down on me just wait for me....

Yusuf Islam(Cat Stevens) - Father & Son (Porchester Hall, London 2007)

It's not time to make a change,

Just relax, take it easy.

You're still young, that's your fault,

There's so much you have to know.

Find a girl, settle down,

If you want you can marry.

Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.



I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy,

To be calm when you've found something going on.

But take your time, think a lot,

Why, think of everything you've got.

For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.



How can I try to explain, cause when I do it turns away again.

It's always been the same, same old story.

From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.

Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.

I know I have to go.



It's not time to make a change,

Just sit down, take it slowly.

You're still young, that's your fault,

There's so much you have to go through.

Find a girl, settle down,

if you want, you can marry.

Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.



All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,

It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it.

If they were right, I'd agree, but it's them they know not me.

Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.

I know I have to go.

Tiesto - In The Dark (Official Video HD)

When it seems

Like the world around you's breaking

And it feels

Like there's no one else around you

And it's quiet

There's a silence in the darkness

And it sounds

Like the carnival is over



As you walk

In the crowded empty spaces

And you stare

At the emptiness around you

You wanna go

To the city and the bright lights

Get away

From the sinners that surround you



Cause I will be there

And you will be there

We'll find each other in the dark

And you will see

And I'll see you too

Cause we'll be together in the dark



Cause if it's coming for you

Then it's coming for me

Cause I will be there

Cause we need each other in the dark

And if it terrifies you

Then it terrifies me

Cause I will be there

So we've got each other in the dark



As I look into the sky

There's sparks bright as ice

You want me to take you over there

I want you to stay with me

Cuz you're not the only one

The only one



No, no

Don't worry

You're not the only one



Cause if it's coming for you

Then it's coming for me

But I will be there

Cuz we need each other in the dark

And if it's panicking you

Then it's panicking me

But I will be there

So we've got each other in the dark



In the dark

In the dark

We'll need each other in the dark



In the dark

In the dark

We'll hold each other in the dark



Now we're saved together in the dark

Cause we've got each other in the dark

To my dad...

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul. 

William Ernest Henley

Daddy, I miss you...

 

 

I see your eyes
staring back at me
as I look in the mirror
each and every day.

Daddy, I miss you.

 

I hear your words
of wisdom telling me
keep smiling and
always think positive.
Daddy, I miss you.

 

I feel your heart
touching mine as I
express my love to
God and family.
Daddy, I miss you.

 

I feel your strength
within my shoulders 

with the promise that
 there will be a tomorrow.
Daddy, I miss you.

 

I feel your hands
guiding mine as I
express these words,
my feelings, the best I can.
Daddy, I miss you.

 

Daddy, Thank you.
I understand now.
The beauty of my garden
is the beauty of yours.
Daddy, I miss you.

By: Deborah Ann Tornillo



Quisiera...

 

 

 

Quisiera volar muy lejos,
  hasta el cielo, al infinito,
  y gritar mis sentimientos,

 al espacio sin oídos.

  Quisiera que me entendieras,
 que el amor es solo eso,
 entregar todo completo,
 a la persona que amas.

Quisiera que tú supieras,
 que hacen falta las caricias,
 los abrazos y los besos,
 y mantener este amor
que se ahoga en el silencio...