V & C

The day I met you my life changed. the way you make me feel is too hard to explain. you make me smile in a special way. you make me fall deeper in love everyday. you look in my eyes and make it true: how there's no one in the world for me but you

What Music is

You know what music is? God's little reminder that there's something else besides us in this universe, a harmonic connection between all living beings, every where, even the stars.

We live with the scars we choose

Pain is an inevitable part of human life. We all experience it, it's unavoidable: we feel grief when we lose someone we love; we're disappointed when we are unable to reach a goal we had set; we feel hurt by people we care about, and so on. According to many respectable people, religions etc. suffering is avoidable. 

When we stop fighting reality and accept the pain in our lives, we stop suffering. The pain doesn't necessarily go away, but we feel lighter, like a weight has been lifted off us; and the situation loses its power over us - we spend less time thinking about it, and when we do think about it, our emotions aren't as intense. 

So suffering can be defined as the refusal to accept the pain in our lives.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Now that may be stating it a little pushier than most people would be comfortable with, but it is not a uniquely Buddhist or Zen idea.

In Buddhism, transcending suffering may well result in our feeling the pain that is inevitable even MORE acutely. Hence, the centrality in Buddhism of compassion, not indifference. But, if it means feeling pain more acutely, it also means feeling JOY more acutely. For, the anesthesia we have the habit of doing to ourselves to shut off our pain results also in shutting off much—if not all—of the playfulness and joyousness of life.

So, how do you do it? How do you not opt for suffering? If pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional, how do you exercise your option NOT to suffer?  You are not required to believe ANYTHING. You have only to DO it.

For the first time ever, I realized that this pain, my suffering, a long-time connection I had to myself, my distorted and harsh way of dealing with my pain, and the pain I was adding to my pain.  I got a flash of this aspect of my suffering that I had never seen because suffering is so consuming at times. In this moment of awareness I understood my relationship to all of the suffering around me, where it lived in me and the voice it assumed inside of me.  I understood how it led to my own action and inaction.  I was aware of all of my open channels and pain receptivity and it was illuminating.  I was so thankful for this gift of awareness and that my consciousness was open to receive this.  I had heard, read and discussed this idea many times, but it never came to me in this form before.  I connected to a part of my pain that was causing me to suffer, and yet I held it at bay.  In those moments of awareness, I felt its shape and texture and timelessness.  It was as if this pain-upon-pain was half a loaf of bread that I had just cut, and it was now just sitting here thinking about the cutting... I spent years upon years trying to find out "what it was".   I was tormented by this energy that was standing in my way.  

Later and since, in mindfulness and reflection, I began to think of my illusion, my attachment to this painful suffering and how ready I am to deepen my practice and learn about the road to cessation and cessation itself.  I don’t care so much about what went into this half a loaf of bread, who wrote the recipe or where the ingredients came from.  I am now mostly interested in how to adapt to the acceptance that it currently lives in me, that it exists and that I deeply intend to invite it into the present moment in a very new way.  It is a part of our tremendous sensitive ability and is not meant to cause stagnation or isolation.  It’s something I will continue to hear, but no longer believe.  It just is and that’s fine by me.

When you passed the patch of thorns, you got a scratch or two, and then it was over.  You incurred a passing pain, and that was it.  Perhaps the scratch was deep enough to create a small bleeding line on your arm or leg, but even so, the injury was not severe enough to keep your notice for very long.

You might avoid the thorn patch on your next way through this area, or maybe you'll forget about it until you're scratched again.  The pain of the first incident wasn't enough to be memorable, and you didn't change your route as a result.  No big deal.

Perhaps you feel disappointed in yourself for not achieving a particular goal that was important to you.  This pain might be excruciating, or it might be a constant dull ache.  Would you do anything to make it better, knowing that it might not go away without intervention of some sort?

This is, of course, a literal pain situation.  

How much pain do you need to feel before you are ready to do things differently at work or in your personal life?

You are the only person who knows the amount of pain that is tolerable for you.  But if you are in pain, are you assuming that toleration is your only choice?  What if this pain were something that you could shrink, or could even cause to disappear?  What if you could avoid re-injuring yourself by choosing another path, another way of thinking or another way of behaving?

Even if the source of the pain is completely outside of your control or influence, you can decide how much proximity you want to maintain to the source.  If you live right beside a giant thorn patch, have to walk through it on your way to work every day, you might not be able to chop them down or convince the property owner to do so, but if they bother you enough you can choose to move.  Go away from it.  That much you can do.

You might not have a clear idea right now of what your life or work situation might look like if the pain-inducing element were no longer in the picture.  That's OK… Just know that You don't have to live with pain.

Aug. 21

I am dead already. Physical death will make no difference in my case. I am timeless being. I am free of desire or fear, because I do not remember the past or imagine the future. Where there are no names and shapes, how can there be desire and fear? With desirelessness comes timelessness. I am safe, because what is not, cannot touch what is. You feel unsafe, because you imagine danger. Of course, your body as such is complex and vulnerable and needs protection. But not you. Once you realize your own unassailable being, you will be at peace.

ESCUPIENDO VERSOS

¿Fantasmas del pasado?

Mis letras simplemente son alas,

que me hacen volar al infinito, sin necesidad de ver nalgas,

así me presento: El Escalpelo, el que nada espera

pero el que todo lo entrega;

y espero lo mismo, ¿entiendes mi razón?

Lo más probable es que no, porque lo que quieres sentir es el pezón

en un hombre plástico, que no quiera sinceridad,

porque no quieres “nada serio”,

sólo te conformas con lo que hay, y no creer en el amor,

porque tú eres tú, y rodeada estás de perros.

No soy hombre que cometa adulterio,

así sea una simple relación de noviazgo,

el respeto es lo principal, pero no soy un estúpido bohemio,

también tengo pene, siento, y, a la piel con piel logro un hallazgo,

y es entregarse por completo, sin excusas,

porque una noche pasa, y, cuando vez, abierta tienes la ¡¡¡!!!

¿Y qué pasó? ¿Por qué le temiste a los sentimientos?

¿Te conformas con sólo sexo, con una noche de fiesta?

De ese chico que te gustó, pero que hoy no te aprieta

porque mejor es andar en lo ligh, fuera de arrepentimientos.

¿Fantasmas del pasado?

¿Y qué culpa tiene la persona que puede amarte de verdad?

Nada pasará, sólo que no funcione,

así que no pienses por los demás; vive lo que tengas que vivir,

porque de lo contrario, seguirás igual, en la contumacia, sumergir

y seguir hundiéndote,

conformándote con poco, y anhelando el universo,

pero perdiéndolo, porque huyes, y pasa uno y otro anochecer,

la vida pasa, la felicidad se confunde con miles de besos

a diferentes hombres… ¡la dicha se quedará allá, a lo lejos!

Mis letras simplemente son alas,

que me hacen volar al infinito, sin necesidad de sentir nalgas;

nada con eso, hago,

por eso, salir a conocer poco a poco, no salgo,

¡hasta que encuentre a una mujer de firme decisión!

Que sepa que el tiempo se pierde, que el poco a poco es una estupidez,

porque si dispuesto estás de amar, sólo camina junto a sus pies

y en una relación, se conocen, se entregan, entendiéndose,

¿entiendes? ¿o es que te la pasas saliendo, y, arrepintiéndote?

¿De qué te sirvió salir 4 meses con uno, 7 meses con otro?

Si cuando logran lo que querían, se alejan, ¿sexo de orgasmo de asma?

¡Ah, ah, ah!, ¿De qué funcionó? ¿Por qué no amas de verdad

y te olvidas de los fantasmas del pasado?

que soy un grosero, que no soy el nuevo de la foto, que soy lo mismo,

pues cáete en el abismo

y ponte la falda,

camina en sandalias,

que yo aquí te espero,

pero no para penetrarte,

sino apara amarte

y hacer el amor,

¿entendiste?

¿Te confundiste?

Pues, sólo da la cara, y siente,

Quédate conmigo, sin excusas, entregada, para siempre.

PAIN is the only thing that's telling me ... IM STILL ALIVE

He tropezado veinte escalones, cayendo sobre un alfombrado de flores y media luna, descosido a dos agujas. He visto árboles haciéndole guardia a la noche. 

Entre ellos he caminado un sendero de candiles. De lejos todos brillaban, marítimos y magnéticos. Pronto, la mirada inquieta de alguno se me ha atravesado en el recuerdo, y mis palmas han empezado a arder. 

No debo tocarlos; 

yo sé que no debo tocarlos. 

De protegerlos se encargará el bosque, mostrando el color que refleja sólo al viajante del sueño. Los despiertos siguen estando a tantas horas de aquí... 

Ahora voy tranquilo, arrancándole baldosas al terraplén. Estoy seguro de lo que hay detrás. Y no es un sol amaneciendo arrebatado, sino el último de los faros.

HUNGRY

 Entraste por la puerta preguntando

¡¿Todas estas ventanas dan al mismo patio?!

Antes de que los niños se aprendieran tu nombre,

 te encontré regando las flores del mantel.

Nombramos la muerte y reímos;

resolvimos no resolvernos,

como dos ríos que cruzan la noche

lloviendo una letra al invierno.

Amanecí treinta besos más joven

y dispuesto a contar las hormigas.

Me cambié de ropa y de nombre,

mitad lumbre, mitad hombre,

y dos ojos panza arriba.

Cuando el hielo desemboca

en la boca de un cualquiera,

se comprende:

¡no hay manera!

de escaparle a la derrota

de apagar la enredadera.

Dame fuego que me enfrío,

no permitas el naufragio,

que tus huesos no son míos

pero a bordo del navío

veinte negras son adagio.

Borra el piso,

pinta un paso,

me da un beso

y todo pasa.

Baila un tren en la estación,

sacude el polvo a tu pasión,

me lo dijo una canción

que no fue por compasión.

Ábreme tu corazón,la ilusión ha vuelto a casa.