NEW LIFE

“I can do anything. This is just the start of my journey. Bigger. Better. Brighter.”

MI BAIRES AMADO

CONTANDO LOS DIAS!!

SAD .... LOST

I just don't even know where to begin with this really.  I just feel ultra lost in life and confused but most of all just terrified and I have long ago lost all motivation and any sense of hope or enjoyment in life.  I feel I have lost all direction and my life feels completely out of my control.  I am just existing and going along with whatever happens to me like a rag doll.  I feel helpless in life like a child who is scared and has lost its mother - just so terrified.  I am deeply embarrassed by this.  I feel no sense of self worth, my confidence and self esteem is at its lowest ever .... life has passed me by and almost all of this time has been as a pathetic and hopeless case.

I have always been exceptionally sensitive and I always feel that I was not meant to be on this earth because somebody as weak as me just cannot survive here without self destructing or being destroyed by life's reality.  I feel deeply ashamed of myself and my anxiety and depression.  Completely pathetic and useless as a human being even though deep inside I also feel such a sense of sadness for myself like part of me still wants to reach deep and give me a big hug and save myself but I keep failing at this.  I imagine I would excel in another type of land or in another world where I am just able to be in peace and the way I am and be left alone.

I have tried within my very limitied mental means to pull myself out by attempting life changes in the past but have been crippled by my own anxieties and fears and these attempts have ultimately ended in the same patterns of failure.  I lack any sense of ability or life resources, no sense of strength and I am aimless in life - feeling as helpless as if I were a newborn.  I do not see the meaning or point in anything and feel it so diffiult to think of anything that would make me want to see a glimmer of light and really try again.  Been there, done that before.  Already too tired.   I feel like I want a parent figure to come guide me step by step and pull me out from this hole.

I feel guilty to myself and to the world for being this way.  The only way my stupid dreamy mind sometimes justifies it is to pretend I am a fairy from another world who was made perfectly but has come to an imperfect world and cannot hack it because it's too far from my own world.  And I imagine this particular thought in a sane way, not an insane way ... I realise I am not really this person but this is the best way I am able to get any comfort in how I feel in this life.

Moby - Like A Motherless Child (Official Video)

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child

So far from home

[Moby:]

This was life and this was safer

All was strange and always stranger

I laid in wait but so much later

I'm never safe from all this danger

The demon's eyes and demon satyr

I was bait but what would bait her?

Don't know my needs, don't know my ways so

I hide my face, no way to face her

This was loss, this was my name

This was my truth, this was no game

This was not hope, this was not sane

And from these broken places made

That was loss and this was later

I wanted less but nothing greater

I couldn't leave, I couldn't stay so

Like a motherless child

[Raquel Rodriguez:]

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child

So far from home

[Moby:]

This was loss and this was later

Always hate but never hate her

I laid in wait but so much later

And never safe from all this danger

The demon's eyes, the demon satyr

I was bait, but what would bait her

Don't know my needs, don't know my ways so

I hide my face, no way to face her

This was loss, this was name

This was my truth, this was no game

This was not hope, this was not sane

And from these broken places made

That was loss and this was later

I wanted less but nothing greater

I couldn't leave, I couldn't stay

Like a motherless child

LOVE IS LOVE

The best part of being married is that now when we walk down the street, people won’t just see two guys and a kid, they’ll have to see a FAMILY.

—Patricia A. 

Sia - Breathe Me (Live At SxSW)

Help, I have done it again

I have been here many times before

Hurt myself again today

And the worst part is there's no one else to blame

Be my friend, hold me

Wrap me up, unfold me

I am small, I'm needy

Warm me up and breathe me

Ouch, I have lost myself again

Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found

Yeah, I think that I might break

Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend, hold me

Wrap me up, unfold me

I am small, I'm needy

Warm me up and breathe me

Be my friend, hold me

Wrap me up, unfold me

I am small, I'm needy

Warm me up and breathe me

Eminem - River ft. Ed Sheeran

I've been a liar, been a thief

Been a lover, been a cheat

All my sins need holy water, feel it washing over me

A little one, I don't want to admit to something

If all it's gonna cause is pain

Truth in my lies right now are falling like the rain

So let the river run

DARKO & SOLE

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; Love leaves a memory no one can steal.After all this time, I still miss you guys everyday... Please guys give me a sign, I am so lost.... I wish that you were here or I were there... soon

LOST

The truth is, I miss you. All the time, every second, every minute, every hour, every day.... Even breath is difficult for me this days a sign, I am so lost....  

PAIN

There Are Only 2 Types Of Pain: The One That Hurts You And The Other That Changes You

Pain can be difficult to deal with – it’s uncomfortable. What you have to keep in mind is that there are really two types of pain: There’s the pain that simply hurts you and weakens you, and then there is the pain that makes you stronger, makes you grow and changes you for the better.

Your only task is to learn to differentiate between the two.

Luckily, that’s a simple task. Just about everyone knows how to differentiate pain that will maim you – physically and/or mentally – and pain that is necessary to transform you to a better, sharper version of yourself.

Each of us has a different threshold for pain. The truth is that the pain that you feel is all in your head and because it’s in your head, you can learn to adjust and bear it.

Human beings are creatures of habit; we don’t like change. But if we don’t change, then our lives won’t change. Our dreams will never be realized and we’ll be stuck in the same mediocre life until we kick the bucket. That thought scares me; it hurts me.

It’s the most excruciating and horrifying reality that you can find yourself in – spending an entire lifetime living the wrong life. If you want to live the life of your dreams then you’re going to need to learn not only to bear pain, but to embrace it.

Embracing the right kind of pain will change your life for the better. It will motivate you. Excite you. Give you a reason to get up early every morning and run after your dreams.

It’s the pain that we need in order to live fulfilling lives; without it, we are stuck in a world of flaccid comfort. To change effectively is to experience pain and push through it. It’s to accept that the pain as not only a necessity, but as a tool, a force that helps you continue making progress.

Pain is your friend if you allow it to be. Introduce yourself to the things that make you feel uncomfortable and realize that those things can do you no real harm. They may make you feel bad, but at the end of that unpleasant rainbow is a pot of gold.

The next time you feel pain, say with a smile on your face, “Good. At least I know I’m doing something right.”

Hooverphonic - Mad About You (Live at Koningin Elisabethzaal 2012)

Feel the vibe,

Feel the terror,

Feel the pain,

It's driving me insane.

I can't fake,

For God's sake why am I driving in the wrong lane

Trouble is my middle name.

But in the end I'm not too bad

Can someone tell me if it's wrong to be so mad about you

Mad about you,

Mad

Are you the fishy wine that will give me a headache in the morning

Or just a dark blue land mine that explode without a decent warning.

Give me all your true hate and I'll translate it in our bed,

Into never seen passion, never seen passion

That is why I am so mad about you

Mad about you,

Mad

Trouble is your middle name.

But at the end you're not too bad

Can someone tell me if it's wrong to be so mad about you

Mad about you

Mad about you

Mad about you

Mad about you

Give me all your true hate and I'll translate it in our bed,

Into never seen passion, never seen passion

That is why I am so mad about you

Mad about you

Mad about you

Mad about you

Mad about you

Mad about you

Mad about you

Moby - Be The One (Destroyed) - Music Video HD

I'll never see what you wanted ... love,

I was the hell that you needed ... oh,

I was the one when you needed ... love,

I was the one when you needed ... love.

Isaac Gracie - Terrified

shhhhhhh ..... I'm terrified 

When you make love to my mind

When you make love to my mind

erotic images swirling around in my head

your voice filling me with desire

closing my eyes

I'm only with you

the rest of the world fades away

into a distant memory

you are the only real presence

I can focus on

I feel you deep inside me

all around me

loving me

touching me

filling my soul with your heat

until our minds are connected

my passion building

until I find relief

when you make love to my mind

BLINDSPOT

We have to have a version of our own story that we keep telling ourselves that allows us to get up in the morning. This version of yourself is what you sell to yourself. I think it necessarily includes ... not looking at certain things. Everybody's got some blind spot.

Feb. 07

There's a difference between, you know, God loves unconditionally in my feeling and religion loves conditionally. Religion spends an awful lot of time dictating who God can love and can't love.

Sinead O'Connor

Don't Just...

“Don't Just

Don't just learn, experience.

Don't just read, absorb.

Don't just change, transform.

Don't just relate, advocate.

Don't just promise, prove.

Don't just criticize, encourage.

Don't just think, ponder.

Don't just take, give.

Don't just see, feel.

Don’t just dream, do. 

Don't just hear, listen.

Don't just talk, act.

Don't just tell, show.

Don't just exist, live.” 

― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

THE QUIETER YOU BECOME, THE MORE YOU ARE ABLE TO HEAR...

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply...

You know who I really appreciate? Those people who aren’t uncomfortable with silence. Those people with whom you can sit at a table and have a delicious meal and not feel uncomfortable when none of you has anything to say. I love people who can communicate with one another not just with words but also with silence.

“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Well, that’s exactly how I felt. I could hear her speak but I couldn’t really understand a word she was saying. Not because she was speaking a foreign language but because she wasn’t really saying anything.

We do that. A lot of times we just talk and talk but without actually saying anything. Maybe it’s because we want to feel that we’re heard and that people acknowledge our presence and existence. But is that really the way to go about it? Wouldn’t it be wiser to talk less and say more while at the same time immersing ourselves in those moments of silence and allowing them to just be?

Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something...

It seems to me that a lot of times we talk just so we won’t keep quiet, thinking that silence is something to be ashamed about, something to be avoided. But it’s not. There’s nothing wrong with silence. I don’t know how we got this idea that silence is awkward and that it should be avoided at all costs. 

Silence is a precious gift. In that space between our words, it’s where we find ourselves. When the mind is quiet, when there are no thoughts and no words to be said, we can hear our own heart talking to us. We can hear our own soul and our own intuition. 

I have learned more from being quiet and from embracing silence than I have learned from thinking and from talking. Silence is my greatest teacher, whispering things in my ear and helping me know things that I won’t be able to discover from anywhere else. 

INMUNE

CON LOS ANOS ME HE HECHO INMUNE A TODOS LOS PECADOS...

Miguel Bosé - Libre ya de amores (Videoclip oficial)

Sera la primavera

Aunque nada sea culpa de las flores

Y pasa el tiempo pase lo que pasa

Pasa una y otra vez

Por mucho que el pasado nos

Jurásemos sagrado lo que fuera

De todo lo pasado

Cuanto queda, cuanto sirve y para qué

Sera que con los años me he hecho inmune

A casi a todos los pecados

Nomarme de pereza ir al infierno

Entro y salgo salvo de el

Tal vez a estas alturas

Ya no existan las alturas de lo amado

Y sigo aquí sentado va pie de un poso

Por si acaso encuero encuera que

Y de repente no se como

Nada siento

Y caigo en cuenta

Que estoy libre de temores

Libre ya de amores

Perdido toma aire

Y el mundo me responde

Otra vez

Y de repente

No se como

Nada siento

Y caigo en cuenta

Que estoy libre de temores

Libre ya de amores

Respiro toma aire

Y el mundo se ilumina

Otra vez

Libre de temores, libre ya de amores

Sera la primavera

Que florece la que invade mi alegría

O puede algo corriente

En un instante hacerse sobrenatural

En todo pensamiento

Voy entero, va mi amor y va mi abrazo

Y mira si te quise

Pero ya por eso no vuelvo a pasar

Y de repente no se como

Nada siento

Y caigo en cuenta

Que estoy libre de temores

Libre ya de amores

Perdido toma aire

Y el mundo me responde

Otra vez

Y de repente

No se como

Nada siento

Y caigo en cuenta

Que estoy libre de temores

Libre ya de amores

Respiro toma aire

Y el mundo se ilumina

Otra vez

Libre de temores

Libre ya de amores

Tocando el cielo y lo saltare

Libre de temores

Libre ya de amores

Mira si te quise y querre

You dont deserve other thing more than poop

If you're really a mean person you're going to come back as a fly and eat poop.

Benny - Si puedo volverte a ver (Video Oficial)

En cuanto puede se me escapa 

Y de momento lo que ha sido fue 

En esta ausencia que respiro 

Hay algo más y otras muchas por llover

¿Cómo aprender a estar perdido? 

¿Cómo empezar a echar de menos cuando estreno corazón? 

Y si es mi suerte que sea fuerte

Que me queme todo entero y de una vez, eh

Y cuando quieras te lo escribo 

Sin un descanso mientras que hay una pared 

En pleno cielo y por si acaso en el olvido 

Que me aguanto lo que muero 

Si puedo volverte a ver

En cuanto puede se me escapa 

Del aire cuelga mis suspiros y es 

Así de simple, así de grande 

Es algo que no consigo no querer

Y no me cabe mas paciencia 

Estoy cansado de morderme el corazón no puedo más 

Si es el destino que me rompe a estas alturas 

Que me parta de una vez

Y cuando quieras te lo escribo 

Sin un descanso mientras que hay una pared 

En pleno cielo y por si acaso en el olvido 

Que me aguanto lo que muero 

Si puedo volverte a ver

En cada mirada se me va 

Cada abrazo un laberinto que nunca deshare

Cada silencio, eternidad 

En cada noche hay un secreto que me da

Y cuando quieras te lo escribo 

Sin un descanso mientras que hay una pared 

En pleno cielo y por si acaso en el olvido 

Que me aguanto lo que muero 

Si puedo volverte a ver

Thank you cousin

Stupidity and selfinesh doesn't surprise me anymore.... Geez, everyday is something new.... But, you Cannot Imagine The Immensity Of The Fuck I Do Not Give!!!!

P.

Dejame decirte que esa sonrisa y esa mirada me hacen perder un poco la cordura.

I FORGIVE YOU HMMMM TODAY

I want to start this out by saying that I forgive you, and I’m sorry that I haven’t said this sooner. You may not have ever asked me to forgive you, or even thought about saying those two little words, but I’m here to say it’s okay. Now, you may be wondering why I am being so willing to give forgiveness to someone who hasn’t even thought twice of asking for it. Well, the answer to that is quite simple really. Martin Luther King Jr. said it best when he said, “Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

So, there you have it. I’m not forgiving you because I want you back in my life or that I’ve forgotten all of the pain and toxicity you brought into it. I’m forgiving you because there’s no point in me holding a grudge over something that isn’t worth my time.

In a sense, this letter is a sort of closure for me more than anything else. A way to truly part with all the pent up frustrations I have over all the crappy friendships and the heartbreak that each of you brought into my life. So out of love and respect for you, I will forgive you and love you because you are a person, and every single person, no matter how much they’ve hurt you at one point or another in your life, deserves to be loved and respected.

Thank you for helping me grow as an individual and become stronger. Each time you knocked me down or made me feel smaller than a grain of sand you were unknowingly teaching me how to get up off the ground, shake it off, and proudly display the battle scars. So, thank you for helping me to become and even better version of myself.

May you receive all the love, grace and beauty you so deserve.  I love you and forgive you.  Now let’s move onward and upward in this journey.  That’s what this is a journey, not something to be concurred.

C.

Feb 03

What you have suffered after you have healed will make perfect sense...The heart is where the journey of forgiveness begins. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 NAMASTE

U2- The Moment of Surrender (Official-Unofficial) Music Video

At the moment of surrender

I'm falling to my knees

I did not notice the passers by

And they did not notice me

DARKO ya llego mi vida... te extrano como mierda

Darko hermano la bebe es el ser humano mas maravilloso que existe y decime loca pero olia a vos... Hermano hoy mas que nunca me resulta casi imposible sobrevivir en esta jungla sin vos... y vaya tarea que me dejaste amor porque le explique a la bebe Vania porque existe esta jungla, porque algunos sobrevivimos, porque nos sentimos solos y raros.... L0S AMO DE ACA AL CIELO LOCO ESPERAME PLEASE.....