Monday, March 03, 2014

To my dad...


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul. 

William Ernest Henley


Monday, February 17, 2014

Daddy, I miss you...

 
 



I see your eyes
staring back at me
as I look in the mirror
each and every day.
Daddy, I miss you.
 
I hear your words
of wisdom telling me
keep smiling and
always think positive.
Daddy, I miss you.
 
I feel your heart
touching mine as I
express my love to
God and family.
Daddy, I miss you.
 
I feel your strength
within my shoulders 
with the promise that
 there will be a tomorrow.
Daddy, I miss you.
 
I feel your hands
guiding mine as I
express these words,
my feelings, the best I can.
Daddy, I miss you.
 
Daddy, Thank you.
I understand now.
The beauty of my garden
is the beauty of yours.
Daddy, I miss you.

By: Deborah Ann Tornillo


Quisiera...

 
 
 



Quisiera volar muy lejos,
  hasta el cielo, al infinito,
  y gritar mis sentimientos,
 al espacio sin oídos.

  Quisiera que me entendieras,
 que el amor es solo eso,
 entregar todo completo,
 a la persona que amas.

Quisiera que tú supieras,
 que hacen falta las caricias,
 los abrazos y los besos,
 y mantener este amor
que se ahoga en el silencio...


Friday, July 05, 2013

Let it go...



Letting go helps us to to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress. 

Bob Dylan & Patti Smith - Dark Eyes (1995) Live N.Y.


I live in another world where life and death are memorized
Where the earth is strung with lover's pearls and all I see are dark eyes.

... the Dark is Valuable




“I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.” ~Joseph Campbell

So you’ve made mistakes—who hasn’t? The beauty of having faltered is that you can help the world with your experiences.

Because we err and hurt, we can empathize when other people are hurting. We can reach out of ourselves, forget our own pains, and hold other people up when they need it.

When you realize your flaws can help the world and bring us closer together, suddenly they seem less like liabilities and more like assets.

Still, I was set on a path of destruction. The more I allowed myself to get involved with women, the more fear I felt but I become addicted to feeling alive.

I didn’t want to go back to being cold and alone in the dark again, and would do anything to avoid it. That feeling I tried to avoid was ultimately what set me free.

I got closer and closer by observing extremes of pain, loneliness, fear, and rage, through my training and clinical work, always drawn to tortured souls.

The truth, though, is that I am maybe still avoiding the depths of my own personal darkness... I met her and I saw myself reflected in her confused and sometimes harsh approach to my deep longing, and her eventual rejection. 

I became my own client in therapy. I needed saving and had a lot of healing to do and learn to reconnect with my body... I had to believe that I would not die from the immense grief, shame, fear, and pain I felt.

I also reconnected with my instincts to know what was safe or right for me; to share my true feelings about the past and present with my family and friends; and to rebuild the foundation for a secure adult life, lived true to myself.

The boogie monster hidden under my bed could no longer frighten me. The illuminating truth had set me on my path to freedom.

Gradually and over many years, I worked through resistance and acceptance to forgiveness, to make peace with my past and forgive the mistakes and harm caused by others in my life. Above all, I forgave myself for abandoning me.

Every step led me closer to falling in love with me—strong, gentle, complicated, weathered, beautiful me, and like many others, more beautiful, I now believe, because of the scars, which are part of me.

Darkness is only where there is a lack of light. I am no longer of afraid of either, and I know I am both.

Sometimes I might be separating myself from the physical world, by floating too far upward in spiritual euphoria. Or I might begin to feel darker, because I’ve given too much of myself to others, and fear has kicked in to close my heart again to the love, people, and the life that is all around me and within me.

It’s a balancing act—avoiding those extremes. It’s when we master this that we can love freely and live true to ourselves.


Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Just do it ...




Erase me. 
Rewrite me. 
Change the way I look. 
Bind me. 
Cage me. 
These pages are my home. 
I am not real i feel I pain,
And I have no say. 
I am your creation and you may,
Destroy me. 
Fix me. 
Change who I fall in love with. 
Make me lose it all. 
Or make me the richest one. 
I cannot say anything you do not wright. 
I am not free. 
I do not exist,
Outside these pages.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Nothing´s Impossible



Just give me a reason, some kind of sign
I'll need a miracle to help me this time
I heard what you said, and I feel the same
I know in my heart that I'll have to change

Even the stars look brighter tonight
Nothing's impossible
I still believe in love at first sight
Nothing's impossible

How did we get to be this far apart?
How did we get to be this far apart?
I want to be with you, have something to share
I want to be here, I am not there

Even the stars look brighter tonight
Nothing's impossible
I still believe in love at first sight
Nothing's impossible
Even the stars look brighter tonight
Nothing's impossible
If you believe in love at first sight
Nothing's impossible

I still believe in love at first sight
Nothing's impossible

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

A gift from one of my angels Kami Kotobi





Slowly roused from a solemn slumber…
No longer dreaming… but yet, still lost in a dream…

Heedless of time, neglectful of my surroundings…
I strain to hold onto the images that rush through my mind’s eye…
Sweet remnants of a reverie…
Passing by just as fast as they vanish from my conscious memory for ever…

Unreservedly, I float in endless time and space…
Unleashed from the perils of the conscious mind…

At the core, I am one with the essence…
Nay, I AM the essence!

Time, futile and meaningless…
I am untainted and unalloyed!

Drowned and saturated with utter love!
I am immersed in a dance…
With YOU!!!

By: Kami Kotobi

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Fly...





In the begining of time,
the skies were filled with flying elephants.
Every night they lay down
in the same place in the sky,
And dreamt with one eye open.
When you gaze up at the stars at night
You are looking into the unblinking eyes
of elephants, who sleep with one eye open,
To best keep watch over us.
Ever since my house burnt down
I see the moon more clearly.
I gazed upon all the Edens that have fallen in me.
I saw Edens that I had held in my hands,
but let go.
I saw promises I did not keep,
Pains I did not sooth,
Wounds I did not heal,
Tears I did not shed,
I saw deaths I did not mourn,
Prayers I did not answer,
Doors I did not open,
Doors I did not close,
Lovers I left behind,
And dreams I did not live.
I saw all that was offered to me,
that I could not accept.
I saw the letters I wished for,
but never received.
I saw all that could have been,
but never will be.


An elephant with his trunk raised
is a letter to the stars.
A breaching whale is a letter
from the bottom of the sea.
These images are a letter to my dreams.
These letters are my letters to you.
(...)
May the guardian elephants hear my wish,
to collaborate with all the musicians
of nature's orchestra.
I want to see through the eyes
of the elephant.
I want to join the dance that has no steps,
I want to become the dance.

Feather to fire
fire to blood
blood to bone
bone to marrow
marrow to ashes
ashes to snow.

The whales do not sing
because they have an answer.
They sing because they have a song.
What matters, is not what is written on the page,
what matters, is what is written in the heart.
So burn the letters
And lay their ashes on the snow,
At the river's edge.
When spring comes and the snow melts
And the river rises,
Return to the banks of the river
And reread my letters with your eyes closed.
Let the words and the images
wash over your body like waves.
Reread the letters,
with your hand cupped over your ear.
Listen to the songs of Eden
Page, after page, after page.
Fly the bird path
Fly...


Thursday, March 07, 2013

Fighting the ego...





Anytime there is a struggle between doing what is actually right and doing what seems right, then your ego is interfering with your decision... Apologizing does not always mean that you are wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego... Never let your pride or ego stop you from reaching out to someone you truly care for.

... mind is foolish. Mind always goes on searching for excuses to fight. If you have a mind you have a potential fighter within you who is always in search of a fight with somebody. Why is the mind always in search of a fight? – because by fighting ego is gathered, becomes stronger. Through fighting you gain ego; if you don’t fight, ego disappears.

Once you stop fighting the ego cannot exist. Ego exists in fight; it is a consequence of fight. The more you fight the more ego exists. If you are left alone on the earth, nobody to fight with, will you have an ego? You will not have an ego. The other is needed to create it; the other is a must. Ego is a relationship, it is not in you. Remember, the ego is not in you, it is not located within you. It is always located between you and the other – somewhere in between, where fight exists.

There are two types of relationship: one is of fight, fear, hatred – this creates ego; the other is of love, compassion, sympathy. These are the two types of relationship. Wherever love is, fight ceases, ego drops. This is why you cannot love. It is difficult, because to love means to drop the ego, to drop yourself. Love means not to be.

True love in any kind of relationship means the fight has disappeared, the two have become one. Their bodies exist separately but their being has mingled. The boundaries are lost, there is no division. There is no ‘I’ and no ‘thou’; now one exists.

From The book: A Bird on the Wing

About my health

  The tricky part of illness is that, as you go through it, your values are constantly changing... You may decide you want to spend your tim...