NEW LIFE

“I can do anything. This is just the start of my journey. Bigger. Better. Brighter.”

MI BAIRES AMADO

CONTANDO LOS DIAS!!

SAD .... LOST

I just don't even know where to begin with this really.  I just feel ultra lost in life and confused but most of all just terrified and I have long ago lost all motivation and any sense of hope or enjoyment in life.  I feel I have lost all direction and my life feels completely out of my control.  I am just existing and going along with whatever happens to me like a rag doll.  I feel helpless in life like a child who is scared and has lost its mother - just so terrified.  I am deeply embarrassed by this.  I feel no sense of self worth, my confidence and self esteem is at its lowest ever .... life has passed me by and almost all of this time has been as a pathetic and hopeless case.

I have always been exceptionally sensitive and I always feel that I was not meant to be on this earth because somebody as weak as me just cannot survive here without self destructing or being destroyed by life's reality.  I feel deeply ashamed of myself and my anxiety and depression.  Completely pathetic and useless as a human being even though deep inside I also feel such a sense of sadness for myself like part of me still wants to reach deep and give me a big hug and save myself but I keep failing at this.  I imagine I would excel in another type of land or in another world where I am just able to be in peace and the way I am and be left alone.

I have tried within my very limitied mental means to pull myself out by attempting life changes in the past but have been crippled by my own anxieties and fears and these attempts have ultimately ended in the same patterns of failure.  I lack any sense of ability or life resources, no sense of strength and I am aimless in life - feeling as helpless as if I were a newborn.  I do not see the meaning or point in anything and feel it so diffiult to think of anything that would make me want to see a glimmer of light and really try again.  Been there, done that before.  Already too tired.   I feel like I want a parent figure to come guide me step by step and pull me out from this hole.

I feel guilty to myself and to the world for being this way.  The only way my stupid dreamy mind sometimes justifies it is to pretend I am a fairy from another world who was made perfectly but has come to an imperfect world and cannot hack it because it's too far from my own world.  And I imagine this particular thought in a sane way, not an insane way ... I realise I am not really this person but this is the best way I am able to get any comfort in how I feel in this life.

Moby - Like A Motherless Child (Official Video)

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child

So far from home

[Moby:]

This was life and this was safer

All was strange and always stranger

I laid in wait but so much later

I'm never safe from all this danger

The demon's eyes and demon satyr

I was bait but what would bait her?

Don't know my needs, don't know my ways so

I hide my face, no way to face her

This was loss, this was my name

This was my truth, this was no game

This was not hope, this was not sane

And from these broken places made

That was loss and this was later

I wanted less but nothing greater

I couldn't leave, I couldn't stay so

Like a motherless child

[Raquel Rodriguez:]

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child

So far from home

[Moby:]

This was loss and this was later

Always hate but never hate her

I laid in wait but so much later

And never safe from all this danger

The demon's eyes, the demon satyr

I was bait, but what would bait her

Don't know my needs, don't know my ways so

I hide my face, no way to face her

This was loss, this was name

This was my truth, this was no game

This was not hope, this was not sane

And from these broken places made

That was loss and this was later

I wanted less but nothing greater

I couldn't leave, I couldn't stay

Like a motherless child

LOVE IS LOVE

The best part of being married is that now when we walk down the street, people won’t just see two guys and a kid, they’ll have to see a FAMILY.

—Patricia A. 

Sia - Breathe Me (Live At SxSW)

Help, I have done it again

I have been here many times before

Hurt myself again today

And the worst part is there's no one else to blame

Be my friend, hold me

Wrap me up, unfold me

I am small, I'm needy

Warm me up and breathe me

Ouch, I have lost myself again

Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found

Yeah, I think that I might break

Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend, hold me

Wrap me up, unfold me

I am small, I'm needy

Warm me up and breathe me

Be my friend, hold me

Wrap me up, unfold me

I am small, I'm needy

Warm me up and breathe me

Eminem - River ft. Ed Sheeran

I've been a liar, been a thief

Been a lover, been a cheat

All my sins need holy water, feel it washing over me

A little one, I don't want to admit to something

If all it's gonna cause is pain

Truth in my lies right now are falling like the rain

So let the river run

DARKO & SOLE

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; Love leaves a memory no one can steal.After all this time, I still miss you guys everyday... Please guys give me a sign, I am so lost.... I wish that you were here or I were there... soon

LOST

The truth is, I miss you. All the time, every second, every minute, every hour, every day.... Even breath is difficult for me this days a sign, I am so lost....  

PAIN

There Are Only 2 Types Of Pain: The One That Hurts You And The Other That Changes You

Pain can be difficult to deal with – it’s uncomfortable. What you have to keep in mind is that there are really two types of pain: There’s the pain that simply hurts you and weakens you, and then there is the pain that makes you stronger, makes you grow and changes you for the better.

Your only task is to learn to differentiate between the two.

Luckily, that’s a simple task. Just about everyone knows how to differentiate pain that will maim you – physically and/or mentally – and pain that is necessary to transform you to a better, sharper version of yourself.

Each of us has a different threshold for pain. The truth is that the pain that you feel is all in your head and because it’s in your head, you can learn to adjust and bear it.

Human beings are creatures of habit; we don’t like change. But if we don’t change, then our lives won’t change. Our dreams will never be realized and we’ll be stuck in the same mediocre life until we kick the bucket. That thought scares me; it hurts me.

It’s the most excruciating and horrifying reality that you can find yourself in – spending an entire lifetime living the wrong life. If you want to live the life of your dreams then you’re going to need to learn not only to bear pain, but to embrace it.

Embracing the right kind of pain will change your life for the better. It will motivate you. Excite you. Give you a reason to get up early every morning and run after your dreams.

It’s the pain that we need in order to live fulfilling lives; without it, we are stuck in a world of flaccid comfort. To change effectively is to experience pain and push through it. It’s to accept that the pain as not only a necessity, but as a tool, a force that helps you continue making progress.

Pain is your friend if you allow it to be. Introduce yourself to the things that make you feel uncomfortable and realize that those things can do you no real harm. They may make you feel bad, but at the end of that unpleasant rainbow is a pot of gold.

The next time you feel pain, say with a smile on your face, “Good. At least I know I’m doing something right.”

Hooverphonic - Mad About You (Live at Koningin Elisabethzaal 2012)

Feel the vibe,

Feel the terror,

Feel the pain,

It's driving me insane.

I can't fake,

For God's sake why am I driving in the wrong lane

Trouble is my middle name.

But in the end I'm not too bad

Can someone tell me if it's wrong to be so mad about you

Mad about you,

Mad

Are you the fishy wine that will give me a headache in the morning

Or just a dark blue land mine that explode without a decent warning.

Give me all your true hate and I'll translate it in our bed,

Into never seen passion, never seen passion

That is why I am so mad about you

Mad about you,

Mad

Trouble is your middle name.

But at the end you're not too bad

Can someone tell me if it's wrong to be so mad about you

Mad about you

Mad about you

Mad about you

Mad about you

Give me all your true hate and I'll translate it in our bed,

Into never seen passion, never seen passion

That is why I am so mad about you

Mad about you

Mad about you

Mad about you

Mad about you

Mad about you

Mad about you