Conjure One & Jaren Cerf - The Distance

Marry the distance
Marry the light
'Cause what is this notion
You and I?

Marry the distance
Quiet the minds
Sense a devotion
To something inside

This isn't a place
This isn't a hunger
This is a state of mind
A state of wonder

This isn't a place
This isn't a hunger
This is a state of mind
A state of wonder

So marry the distance...

This isn't a place
This isn't a hunger
This is a state of mind
A state of wonder

In pieces....

Crawling in my skin. These wounds they will not heal.
I need a little room to breathe. Cause I'm one step closer to the edge, I'm about to break. Down in a hole, feelin' so small. Down in a hole, losin' my soul I'd like to fly, but my wings have been so denied.

The wounds that never heal can only be mourned alone. In my mind my obituary is done. It is done and it is right. It tells the truth and as awful as it can be, the truth is what matters. It is what I should be remembered by, if I'm remembered at all. Remember the truth. that is all that matters.

It may have been in pieces, but I gave you the best of me.

“People fear death even more than pain. It's strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over. Yeah, I guess it is a friend” J.Morrison

Just few words ....

I miss you way too much.. The pain gets worse every day. They told me this would get easier over time.. it only seems to get harder to go on without you. It scares me more than anything...

Yes I can die of a broken heart ...

Loss always terrifies me ... now I am experiencing and is only darkness and nothingness... I feel like I lose my ability to act... like falling down an abyss at uncontrollable speed... There is nothing around me and I have no idea where I am headed. The only thing that I know is that I am falling.

So, what now? What next?  The concept of a future becomes so alien and scary... I just know that I want to die as soon as possible just to be with my dad, I don't like my world without him... I love him more than I love anything...  It still feels unreal... I still expect to get a silly text message or speak to him on the phone. I was not ready to say goodbye, are we ever ready to say goodbye? There was so much I wanted him to see and do. 

Today I found that It is possible to die of a broken heart through broken heart syndrome (study by the Mayo Clinic found about 3.6 percent of fatalities rate in patients with broken heart syndrome). 

The physical symptoms may include chest pain and pressure, shortness of breath, arrhythmia, stomach pain, nausea and/or loss of appetite, fatigue, insomnia. The psychological effects may include depression, constant or frequent crying, thoughts of suicide, feelings of emptiness, detachment from reality.

Yes I can die of a broken heart ...

Conjure One - Tears From The Moon [feat. Sinéad O'Connor]

Couldn't sleep so I went out walking

Thinking about you and hearing us talking

And all the things I should have said

Echo now, inside my head

I feel something falling from the sky

I'm so sad I made the angels cry

Tears from the moon

Fall down like rain

I reach for you

I reach in vain

Tears from the moon, tears from the moon

It just ain't fair this thing called loving

When one's still there and the other feels nothing

I would have done anything for you

I still love you, baby I adore you

All day I keep from falling apart

But at night when the sky gets dark

Tears from the moon

Fall down like rain

I reach for you

I reach in vain

Stop, Stop haunting me

It should be easy

As easy as when you stopped wanting me

Tears from the moon

Fall down like rain

I reach for you

I reach in vain

Tears from the moon

Fall down like rain

but tears from the moon

can't wash away the pain

TODAY I MISS YOU SO MUCH...

There are some days when everything falls apart, when things go wrong, nothing goes my way, I really want to cry but can’t, I feel lost and alone.

Even having lots of good friends around won’t help so much. I am grateful to having them in my life, for being there, because I know they are ready to do everything to make me feel better. But that’s exactly the case when EVERYTHING won’t be ENOUGH.

And they won’t be able to stop this desperation and frustration I am going through because they are not the reason for this.

And I try to make myself believe how much a good thing it is to have someone so special to miss and this thought is supposed to make me feel warm, but sometimes it just does not.

Sometimes I need more than just a thought, I need to hear your voice, I need to look into your eyes... Sometimes I need just to lean on you, to feel you closer…I need you right here and right now...

All I want is just to share some good news with you because it will be good news for you too... or to share my troubles because that’s the way I can lessen your pain... or to share smiles and laughter or you just want you to dry my tears because only you can make those tears disappear... I wonder if you understand what I feel, and how much I miss you... I wonder if you are so close in my heart, then why this is not enough and why you seem to be so far away.

Days like today I miss you so much that the entire world seems to be in darkness.

Ben Harper - Waiting On An Angel Live

"Waiting On An Angel"

Waiting on an angel
One to carry me home
Hope you come to see me soon
Cause I don' t want to go alone
I don' t want to go alone

Now angel won' t you come by me
Angel hear my plea
Take my hand lift me up
So that I can fly with thee
So that I can fly with thee

And I'm waiting on an angel
And I know it won' t be long
To find myself a resting place
In my angel's arms
In my angel's arms

So speak kind to a stranger
Cause you'll never know
It just might be an angel come
Knockin' at your door
Knockin' at your door

And I'm waiting on an angel
And I know it won't be long
To find myself a resting place
In my angel's arms
In my angel's arms

Waiting on an angel
One to carry me home
Hope you come and see me soon
Cause I don' t want to go alone
I don't want to go alone
Don' t want to go
I don't want to go alone

02/08/2013 ....

My life is slowing falling apart and I'm not sure what to do. I lost my dad. I miss the days you held me and the days I hear your voice. I miss the days you were there. When the angels ask what I loved most about life, I'll say you.

Today I miss you more than ever daddy....

With my dad´s favorite cap ...

A thousand words won't bring you back, I know because I've tried; neither will a thousand tears, I know because I've cried.

Always on my mind; forever in my heart.