He is gone forever...

I found myself becoming increasingly depressed and struggling to catch my breath. I hate my life without my father.

I have serious sleeping issues, as in I can get three days of sleep and not feel tired. I am always there for others ... I used to be a strong woman.

The days that follow my father´s death are just the worst kind. I am still in shock and disbelief. I keep feeling I NEED TO SEE HIM. I feel as if he has gone away on a journey. It is the worst pain ever to lose your dad that nurture you. It is a strong bond that is painful when severed. Now I wonder how I can go on in life without my Dad. 

I can't stand the pain, I am so sad and I can't sleep, I wander at night, and during the day I do my best but I am loosing my mind. I feel that I don't gave him enough love, time, it wasn't enough at all. I am so lonely without his smile and kind words, I think I am going crazy.

Now I have this obsession of analyzing the way he died and I don't have anyone to ask because the rest of the family don´t have contact with me... I know he was asking for me the day he passed away his nurse told me....If he just died in his sleep I should be happy that he didn't suffer so much but I don't even have that answer.... For me it's the same, same result….I will never see my father again.

I see his face everywhere, he will never leave me, he will always be part of me and I will never forget him…I  hope I will join him soon because eventually we will be together daddy ...