Three months since you passed away ...

After 3 months without my father the question is, does it get any easier? Not really. Not for me. Three months after his death I am getting the more normal images of my father when I think of him: my father lying on his bed in his bedroom telling me stories, my father sitting in his chair watching TV, my father telling one of his dirty jokes and laughing his great belly laugh. 

After 3 months seems that I’m going through another phase of intensity again and it’s getting worse. Almost everything reminds me my dad. The intense weeping continue and I can’t help but call out, “Dad, dad, dad” ... When I’m sad about something I remember my dad because he’s the person I’d always go to for consoling... when I’m happy about something I remember my daddy because he was always the first person I really wanted to share my good news with. When I’m just normal I remember him ... So I remember him all the time.

I dream about him a lot. I wake up from these dreams missing my father terribly but it does help to see him in my dreams....

I am so heart broken. Most of the time I don’t feel anything except I know I miss him dearly. The pain comes very heavily. I cry to the point of exhaustion and then I feel numb...