Family hmm ....

I feel so overwhelmed, I want out. My family never listens, so much fucking aggression. Everything is my fault. I want it to stop. Im so over my head, I just want someone to listen. I want something in my life that makes it worth it. I’m so sick of the fucking expectations and lectures and screaming!!!! I just want someone to be civil! No one will talk to me, Im fucking alone. They just get angry and yell when I talk about my feelings. I want relief, I want to be able to breathe easy and sleep and not start crying when I lay down alone. I have no comfort, no back- up, nothing. I’m sick of being alone, I’m so fucking sick of feeling this way.  I’m so tired of my family, they don’t see what they do it. I’m a loser, unworthy, dissapointing daugther and I should feel bad about myself and agree with everything they say. I’m sick of having my emotions ignored. I just wish I could forever, forget what i’m living. Forget the fact that I’m an unworthy disgusting waste. I don’t want to go through it. These…awful people sleep at night…how fucking dare they. How dare they sleep so freaking soundly while I’m crying everytime I think too hard. 

I JUST CAN’T ANYMORE, I REALLY CAN’T. I’m sick of the facts, I’m so sick of these people. I want this to end, I just want to get it over with. I wish they’d fucking forget about me. The burden of the fucking family.  Existing is so…complicated. So freaking staggering and lonely and misunderstood.

I really hate my family. I honestly do, I’m tired of being ridiculed because i’m not some smiley, happy- go- lucky, straight- a getting miracle child. I just want to be appreciated, no matter what i do. My self- esteem feels..so, so low. I can’t begin to articulate the depth of the disdain I feel for myself. I just want to go away. Everything is crumbling, and there is no fucking shoulder to cry on, nothing. I’m incredibly tired, my throat hurts, my chest hurts, my eyes are welling up with tears, they saw it, they know. Nothing.  I get no care. No warmth. Not shit.  If I mention anything, i get screeched at, I’m scared to even express anything. this is awful....