My sadness is turning into anger, I know that the lack of food is contributing to my irritation but I can’t help to feel abandoned. Out of all the people that said they love me why has no one called? My family doesn´t know about me and how I feel.... I just want to stop feeling this way, I want the pain in my stomach to put me to sleep so I wont have to wait endlessly for someone close to tell me they love me. Only a couple of days and I’ll begin to lose my mind as I die.
This sadness, in turn, fills me with guilt. What right do I have to be clinically depressed when there are so many others out there going through much tougher times than I am? With these thoughts, I feel even more depressed. This then feeds my guilt, which then feeds my depression.
I need more in order to live, i need to have the confidence that i can get through it. i need to have the skills to accomplish what i want to accomplish. i need to be able to like myself. i need to be self-actualized... my life needs to have more meaning than: “preventing people i know from experiencing the suicide of someone they knew”.
So i live another day in this limbo. neither committed to life or to death... I need to change something. i’m already going insane .....
Sometimes i wonder why i even try … i wonder why im here…i wonder why i dont just give up and end it all…ive been juged, critizied, blamed, ect. i wonder why im still here…ive almost died so many times but someone was always there to bring me back, but they dont stay they leave and never come back, and i wonder why they did it if they were just gonna leave me feeling more alone then before……
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