How can they do this? Why?

How can they all do this to me? How can my relatives want to hurt me so badly? How can everyone betray me so easily when I need them the most. 

How is everyone SO selfish when I strive to live my life to be as selfless as I can? I just don't understand. Why did all of this happen to me? What did I do to deserve it? 

I know they say life's not fair, and trust me I know that, but this is just taking it above and beyond the normal realms of typical "life obstacles". 

My life has gone to shit and there is absolutely nothing I can do to fix it or make it better. Im completely lost and alone. Am I going to make it out of this mess alive? I really just don't think so. 

I can't take my family ... just my dad and they don´t want me to see him. It's so unhealthy for me. 

That's all I have to say about anything anymore. How and why. It just doesn't make sense. Doesn't add up. 

Please tell me. How do I stop hurting this bad. 

Lately I just feel really...numb. And at peace. And that's not good, because I'm never at peace. It makes me think that I subconsciously made my decision. And not a good one, if you know what I mean. I don't know..I just have a bad feeling about tomorrow. 

How the hell do I get outside of my head? I don't want to be trapped like this. I want to feel better. I don't want to be in this situation. That's it. That's my goal in life. To stop all the pain. No one listens to me long enough to take me seriously anyway. It sucks. 

I can't. I've never felt this much pain in my life and I need it to stop. 

What if I was stronger?

What if it had happened after I met all the new people in my life. Could that have helped me? Offered me other solutions?

What if my mother cared?

What if it was a different girl?

What if she wanted the same thing I wanted?

What if I listened to myself and not anybody else?